Ghost in the White House

In honor of the State of the Union address tonight, I thought I'd post one of my favorite Bush jokes...

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George,what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises,and then fades away.

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.

The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into themist.

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe,what's the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"

Lincoln replies,"Go see a play."

Home

I can see the sunshine
Coming through my room
Breaking down the winter of my discontent
Looking out my window
At the people passing by
I keep wondering where my happiness went

Cutting through the veil that keeps on blinding me
I was only sleeping
Waiting here for you
Waiting for your touch that keeps reminding me

Why it had to take me so long
Just find a place that really feels
This must be where I belong
Thinking about it
I am not so alone
Maybe I'm already home

Tagged!!

It's a fabulous day! After just a few weeks of dieting, I'm wearing my skinny jeans today, paired with my new Fuck Me Boots I got for Christmas, and it's an even better day. Gotta love the bounce that great ass jeans and soft leather, knee high boots with three-inch heels puts in your step!

I've been tagged by Lisa of "You Say That Like It's a Bad Thing"... It's a simple little tag, which is perfect for a Friday morning.

Name 5 Guilty Pleasures

Cheesy 80's movies

Ghiradelli Milk Chocolate Squares with Caramel filling

Sleeping in on Sunday mornings

Girls Night

Lip gloss

I won't tag anybody, but c'mon, you know you want to do it...

Have a great weekend, everyone!!

Nothing compares

I am smiling-

I think of you

and wonder what it

would be like

to kiss you

for days without end

Snippets

• Okay, I feel sufficently stupid. Really. I had my first math class last night and God am I dumb. It was like a foreign language. The prof was using words like " variable," "constants," "exponential expressions," "rational numbers," "irrational numbers," "integers," "natural numbers," " real numbers," "addition," "subtraction"... it was horrible! I suppose it didn't look good from the start when he asked if we knew the difference between rational and irrational numbers and I thought "Irrational numbers are numbers that have no common sense." Yeah, it's going to be a long semester.
• So there's this girl in my Comp II class that makes every statement a question? It's really annnoying? I'd like to put my foot up her ass?
• My sister and her husband are moving into their new house this weekend. *cough* I'd really like to help, but *cough* I'm really starting to feel under the weather... *cough*
• Do you remember those little mnemonic devices from grade school? Like, My Very Extravagant Mother Just Sent Us Nine Parrots for the planets? Well, I guess I'm not a complete math idiot, I did remember this for the Order of Operations: Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally. Now, I wonder if Aunt Sally is a math whiz?
• I hate it when people try to get on the elevator before letting people off the elevator. I hate it even more when they give you a dirty look like you're in their way.
• This just in: the government has completed a three year study on weight loss. They discovered the most effective way to drop some pounds is to eat less and exercise. No shit, Sherlock. Our tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen. Maybe next they'll discover the best way to get enough oxygen is to breathe in and out.
• I have become one of those women I used to make fun of: I wear tennis shoes into work and change into dress heels once I get to my office. Yes, I wear tennis shoes with my dress pants and skirts. Quite the visual isn't it?

I'm tapped out

I've got nothin' today. Nothing. I'm so ashamed. I blame it on school starting after such a nice long winter break. I'm being forced to use my remaining brain cells on passing my classes. Especially because I'm taking math this semester! Yikes! Math and I don't mix, so I'll be funneling any extra brain power into making at least a 'C' in that class.

Tomorrow I'll be brilliant and funny, I promise. Well, as brilliant and funny as I can be.

Have a good one!

Gotta be something more

My theme song for 2006:

Monday, hard to wake up
Fill my coffee cup, I'm out the door
Yeah, the freeway's standin' still today
It's gonna make me late, and that's for sure
I'm running out of gas and out of time
Never gonna make it there by nine

There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time,
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Takin' a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more

Five years and there's no doubt
That I'm burnt out, I've had enough
So now boss man, here's my two weeks
I'll make this short and sweet, so listen up
I could work my life away but why?
I got things to do before I die

There's gotta be something more
Gotta more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Takin' a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's got to be something more

Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create
You best believe that I'm not gonna wait
'Cause there's got to be something more

I get home 7:30, the house is dirty, but it can wait
Yeah, 'cause right now, I need some downtime
To drink some red wine and celebrate
Armageddon could be knocking at my door
But I ain't gonna answer that's for sure

There's gotta be something more...

'Something More'

Sugarland

Let's talk about my ass

No, seriously...that isn't just a headline made to grab your attention, I really want to talk about my ass. Specifically, I want to talk about the mystery bruise on my ass. It's the size of a softball and I have no idea where it came from. A friend suggested that maybe I'd been spanked recently, but alas, this is not the case. Nor have I run ass first into anything, so the origin of said bruise remains unknown. The same friend also suggested that maybe I'd been abducted by aliens, which could possibly be true. Could be the bruise is from where they attached a suction cup to bring me to the mother ship. I don't have a freakin' clue. All I know is, I went to bed Wednesday night with a pristine white ass and Thursday morning it had been marred by a mysterious bruise. Anyone else have any ideas?

100? But you don't look a day over 99!!

It's my 100th post...whoo-hoo! Belly on up to the open bar, have a cocktail, gnaw on some snacks, grab a party hat and let's celebrate kcterrilynn's 100th post!!

I thought I would rerun one of my faves from the beginning... I know, I know, it's lame to not have an original post but my brain is functioning at quarter speed this morning and I just don't know if I have an original post in me today. Besides, it's my party and I'll self-plagerize if I want to, dammit!!

What I did at work yesterday...
(Originally posted 15 July 2005)

The following is an email conversation between my friend Chris and I:

Me: God save me from the dullness around here today! Geez...there's got to be something I can do to lessen the boredom. Study, perhaps? Nah. Surf the 'net? Nah. Play computer games? Nah. Poke myself in the eye with a Sharpie and enjoy a quick ride to the emergency room? Ding ding ding!! We have a winner!!!

Chris: I hadn't thought of that. Do you think they could have us in and out of the ER in time for Happy Hour? We might be the talk of Rudy's if we show up with matching eye patches. :)

I literally have NOTHING to do. I really need to ask someone else if they need help, but nah. I am praying for the phone to ring. What the hell is wrong with me.The Vinster took me to lunch today. I wish I had one of those jobs where I could take two hours and have cocktails with lunch. But, no. That ain't happening. 3 more hours. I may survive.

Me: Hey! I have one of those jobs!! Well, minus the cocktail thing, but the two hour lunch has been known to happen.

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make it another three hours. I'm mostly sure I'm not going to make it another three hours. I don't think I'm going to make it another three hours. I'm kinda sure I'm not going to make it another three hours. I ain't going to make it another three hours.

Someone shoot me now. Let's stop kidding ourselves and just call it a day. Okay, focus, Terri. You can do this. It's a piece of cake. Mmmmm. Cake. Chocolate cake. With double chocolate frosting. Served on a plate made of chocolate and eaten with forks made of fudge. With white chocolate napkins.

Sorry, where was I? Got lost in the middle of a chocolate fantasy...

Chris: I am pretty sure I am right behind you. The last 11 minutes have taken at least 3 hours to pass by. I am looking forward to 3. That's when I head to the bathroom to primp and change clothes for Happy Hour. That should take at least 15 minutes off of this day.

That was a nice little chocolate fantasy. You should be a writer in your spare time. I totally had the visual working.

Me: I am totally going to go all karaoke on someone's ass tomorrow night. I've been listening to my new favorite CD's I got from Pottery Barn on Sunday and I'm kicking some serious ass on "The Pina Colada Song" and "Son of a Preacher Man." And even though I'm the only judge in my office today, I really think I've been doing quite a stellar job. Of butchering the songs that is. I'm sure the folks in the lobby would agree, once they're convinced that I'm singing and not having an attack of Tourette's. But wait until they hear my rendition of "To Sir with Love." It'll bring a tear to their eye, and vomit to the mouth. Sorry, a little too graphic? I'll tone it done just a hair.

Chris: You are in rare form today, Girl. I can't wait to get a Marg in you. After my day yesterday, I need a good belly laugh. No pressure. :)

Oh, and can't wait for your "stellar" performance. Apparently you are going to have quite the audience.

Me: If I were you, I'd be scared, but okay. See, this is what happens when I am left to my own devices. You think the inside of Rob's head is scary...you should try to live in mine for a while. It's like a carnival, toy store, circus (without elephants because I think they'd give me headache tramping around in there), desert island, orgy, flea market and cocktail party (duh!) all in one. Good news is, there's no cover charge.

Chris: Your head would be fun. Rob's head, still scary.

Me: Clock check...damn, still not 4:30. I'm not going to make it. I'm really not. Perhaps 4 would be better...just don't see how I'll survive once you leave. Whimper, whimper, whine. Chris gets out of jail a whole 30 minutes before me!! It's not fair!! I demand a recount...

Chris: Yes, and Chris gets incarcerated 30 minutes before you everyday too. :) Leave early. Who'll know? There can't be anything going on around there. I am off to the bathroom to change and make me pretty. That should suck up a few minutes.

Me: True...but when I said "not fair", I meant for me, not you. I don't give a hoot about you. It's dog eat dog out there (reminds me of one of the all time greatest Norm lines from Cheers: "It's dog eat dog out there Sammy, and I'm wearing Milk-bone underwear.") so it's every person for themselves! I'd throw you under the bus just as soon look 'atcha! "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?!" "Are you feelin' lucky, punk?" "Make my day!" "Asta la vista, baby!" "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!" "I bet she gives great helmet." "Dong, where's my automobile?" "Today (aaayyy) is our Independence Day (aaayyy)!" "Play it again, Sam!" "Yeah, I got a question. Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?" "Yippee ki ay, motherfucker!"

Tangent,much?

Chris: It is totally unfair that I am the only recipient of you wit and charm today. You're killing me.

Me: Well then, my job here is done. Amusing you, amuses me. Speaking of musing, since my last email, I've been pondering the comfort of Milk-bone underwear. What would they be stitched together with? Rawhide? How would you sit in them? Would they make a thong variety or just granny panties and briefs? Boxers? Boy cut? Boxer briefs? Would there be a market for Milk-bone bras, too? Are they washable or do you just toss them at the end of the day and grab a new pair for tomorrow? Actually, there's a great idea!! Disposable underwear! C'mon, you can't tell me that bachelor's everywhere wouldn't be all over that! It's the million dollar idea I've been looking for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris: Have you eaten today? I am fearing for our lives if you start putting liquor in your system in this condition.Get up, go straight to the deli, do not pass go, do not go to jail. Just put something, anything into your stomach. You have got to be feeling light headed.

Me: Good point. Thank you for your concern, mom. And as usual, you are completely right...I've had yogurt, Triscuits, a banana and a bowl of soup. But, alas, the deli is closed, so I'll just have to make do with a couple of enchiladas. And margaritas. Lots and lots of margaritas!! You're leaving me now, aren't you. Fine. I'll meet you in exactly 20 minutes. You know the drill: gold, rocks, salt, please.

Something is strangely askew...

Have you ever woken up in a great mood for absolutely no reason at all? That was me this morning. I woke up feeling positively perky and I've no idea why. And it got better from there: I'm having a great hair day, my new green sweater makes my hazel eyes pop, and my lip gloss is perfect. Not to mention on the way into the office today, not only did I hit mostly green lights, but there were great songs on the radio. Once I got to a meeting I had been dreading for two weeks, my boss turned out to be in a unusually good mood and the meeting was actually bearable. Back in my own office, I found $5 in my desk drawer while looking for white-out and while balancing my checkbook on-line, I found a $20 mistake in my favor.

Seriously, what's going on? Is the Universe buttering me up for something really horrible? Am I going to be audited or something? No matter, guess I should just ride the wave...

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I was reading the transcript of a speech Dr. King gave in 1967 against the Vietnam War. And now, 40 years later, it seems to eerily parallel the Iraq War.

"...Somehow this madness must cease. We must stop now. I speak as a child of God and brother to the suffering poor of Vietnam. I speak for those whose land is being laid waste, whose homes are being destroyed, whose culture is being subverted. I speak for the poor of America who are paying the double price of smashed hopes at home, and dealt death and corruption in Vietnam. I speak as a citizen of the world, for the world as it stands aghast at the path we have taken. I speak as one who loves America, to the leaders of our own nation: The great initiative in this war is ours; the initiative to stop it must be ours.

This is the message of the great Buddhist leaders of Vietnam. Recently one of them wrote these words, and I quote:

Each day the war goes on the hatred increases in the hearts of the Vietnamese and in the hearts of those of humanitarian instinct. The Americans are forcing even their friends into becoming their enemies. It is curious that the Americans, who calculate so carefully on the possibilities of military victory, do not realize that in the process they are incurring deep psychological and political defeat. The image of America will never again be the image of revolution, freedom, and democracy, but the image of violence and militarism. Unquote.

If we continue, there will be no doubt in my mind and in the mind of the world that we have no honorable intentions in Vietnam. If we do not stop our war against the people of Vietnam immediately, the world will be left with no other alternative than to see this as some horrible, clumsy, and deadly game we have decided to play. The world now demands a maturity of America that we may not be able to achieve. It demands that we admit that we have been wrong from the beginning of our adventure in Vietnam, that we have been detrimental to the life of the Vietnamese people. The situation is one in which we must be ready to turn sharply from our present ways. In order to atone for our sins and errors in Vietnam, we should take the initiative in bringing a halt to this tragic war."

(snip)

"...It is with such activity in mind that the words of the late John F. Kennedy come back to haunt us. Five years ago he said, "Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." [applause] Increasingly, by choice or by accident, this is the role our nation has taken, the role of those who make peaceful revolution impossible by refusing to give up the privileges and the pleasures that come from the immense profits of overseas investments. I am convinced that if we are to get on the right side of the world revolution, we as a nation must undergo a radical revolution of values. We must rapidly begin [applause], we must rapidly begin the shift from a thing-oriented society to a person-oriented society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights, are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, extreme materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered.

A true revolution of values will soon cause us to question the fairness and justice of many of our past and present policies. On the one hand we are called to play the Good Samaritan on life's roadside, but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho Road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life's highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring. [applause]

A true revolution of values will soon look uneasily on the glaring contrast of poverty and wealth. With righteous indignation, it will look across the seas and see individual capitalists of the West investing huge sums of money in Asia, Africa, and South America, only to take the profits out with no concern for the social betterment of the countries, and say, "This is not just." It will look at our alliance with the landed gentry of South America and say, "This is not just." The Western arrogance of feeling that it has everything to teach others and nothing to learn from them is not just."

(snip)

"We are now faced with the fact, my friends, that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked, and dejected with a lost opportunity. The tide in the affairs of men does not remain at flood -- it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is adamant to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residues of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words, "Too late." There is an invisible book of life that faithfully records our vigilance or our neglect. Omar Khayyam is right: "The moving finger writes, and having writ moves on."

We still have a choice today: nonviolent coexistence or violent co-annihilation. We must move past indecision to action. We must find new ways to speak for peace in Vietnam and justice throughout the developing world, a world that borders on our doors. If we do not act, we shall surely be dragged down the long, dark, and shameful corridors of time reserved for those who possess power without compassion, might without morality, and strength without sight."

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

April 4, 1967

If I'm lucky, maybe my head will explode...

Sweet Jesus...there is a large group of dancers in my head. Wearing clogs and doing the Riverdance. Fueled by too much wine last night. Please, little noisy dancers, please go away. Yes, I know splitting a second bottle of wine with Chris gave you an open invitation, but I didn't... Wait, what's that? Stop the banging for a minute so I can hear you. Oh, it wasn't the second bottle of wine, you say? It was the Rock Lobster shot at The Keyhole? I had forgotten about that. And I did what? Drank a glass of Merlot after that? If you guys could just stop jumping around for a minute, I would be able to concentrate a little better. Ahh, that's much quieter, thank you. Thank you. What do you mean this is just an intermission? How long is the damned show? And there's a what? Grand Finale? It involves how many dancers in clogs? Holy shit.

Okay, go ahead and finish the goddamn show, but I swear, I'll never ask you guys to perform again. Well, until next time anyway...

Now THIS is what I call blogging...

Alright, y'all, I'm sure you won't be nearly as excited about this as I am, but this is my first post from home. That's right, home. I got a new computer for Christmas, and finally have it hooked up, wired up, and ready to go! Can't you just feel the excitement?! I'm drinking a rather fine glass of Merlot (my third glass, actually), wearing my pj's and listening to some Bob Dylan, John Coltrane, Amos Lee, Diana Krall, David Gray and Allison Krauss on the CD changer. Who knows what new doors this will open in my blogging experience...drunk blogging? sleep blogging? naked blogging? group blogging? Who knows people! There is no limit to the madness!

Invasion

Does it make me a bad person that I'd like to poke those damn Welch's Grape Juice kids in the eyeballs? Their little sing-songy voices just brings out the violence in me. I have visions of myself reaching through the TV and wrapping my hands around their perky little throats and squeezing until their heads pop like a Welch's grape. I know this isn't normal and I can't really explain it. I don't want to make it seem like I don't love children, I do. Really, I do. But I love real kids: the ones who are snotty, sullen and sarcastic; the ones who are messy and picky; the ones who would wear the same clothes for a week if you let them and who don't clean their room without being threatened. Those are real kids. These Welch's kids are not normal. I don't think they're human; they can't be. I think they're aliens sent to Earth from Planet Perky. And they must be stopped.

Ugly Tighty Whitey Guy

You know how on Friends, Monica and Rachel lived across the way from 'Ugly Naked Guy'? I live across from 'Ugly Tighty Whitey Guy.' No shit. It doesn't seem to matter what time of day or season, UTWG is there, in all of his glory.

When he first moved in, it wasn't such a big deal, he had his furniture arranged so the sofa faced away from the patio and although I thought it was strange, little did I know that before long I would miss looking at the back of the sofa. About two months ago, he rearranged the furniture and YOWZA! The man never closes his blinds. It's very disturbing. He watches TV in is Tighty Whiteys. He eats in his Tighty Whiteys. And Lord, my eyes! I've seen him exercise in his Tighty Whiteys! Now, I'm sure you're wondering, why don't you close your blinds, kcterrilynn? Well, I'll tell you...I don't have blinds, but opaque curtains that are sheer enough to just let you make out what is going on across the way.

I'd leave an anonymous note, but since I'm the only one who can see his place, I'm sure he'd figure out that it's me. Besides, what would I say? "Dear Ugly Tighty Whitey Guy, Please stop walking around in your tighty whiteys." Scary thought, what if he does stop, and truly becomes Ugly Naked Guy? Guess I could always write a sitcom around it and become filthy rich...

Ugh, Monday...

(To the tune of Mickey Mouse Club theme song)

M-O-N-D-A-Y S-U-C-K-S!
Monday Sucks! Monday Sucks!
Forever ever hear our battle cry: "Why? Why? Why?"
Here comes aggravation and a whole new week of stress...
M-O-N-D-A-Y S-U-C-K-S!
Monday Sucks! Monday Sucks!
Forever ever hear our battle cry: "Why? Why? Why?"
So come along and sing our song, and get it off your chest
M-O-N-D-A-Y S-U-C-K-S!

Happy Trails, Dick

After 5 years, Dick Vermeil has retired from the Kansas City Chiefs. Vermeil was a class act all the way and truthfully, I am sorry to see him go. I will miss his patented Squinty Face on the sidelines. Didn't matter what the call, Vermeil would respond with his squinty face. Deserved penalty flag? Slightly squinty Squinty Face. Undeserved penalty flag? More squinty Squinty Face. Bad spot on a down? Really squinty Squinty Face. Post game press conference? Crying Squinty Face.

Sigh. Now I'll have to retire my 'I love Dick' t-shirt...not because I don't love dick, but because without Dick it just seems dirty. ;) Guess now I'll have to break out the 'You can't beat our Johnsons' shirt.