Monday, November 28, 2005


Rainy days and Mondays always bring me down.

I just received the politest blow-off from a guy that I was semi-seeing. Whatever. I don't understand guys, I just don't. Perhaps I should start hanging out at gay bars and find me a nice lesbian. At least I understand how the female mind works.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

All in the Family

There is nothing I like more than going through old pictures, letters and newpaper clippings at my grandparents house. Grammie was a packrat; she kept everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything! My sister and I found drawers full of memories when we visited them over the weekend.

At first glance, most of the things my grandmother tucked away could seem like junk. But sifting through handwritten notes, yellowing newspaper, Mother's Day cards signed in crayon from one grandkid or another, black and white photos of people long dead, and fragile dried flowers from some long-ago occasion, I started to remember the woman my grandmother was. And I started to cry. See, my grandmother has Alzheimer's and even though she was sitting in the living room, not 15 feet from where I was elbow deep in memories, I missed her with every fiber in my body.

It's been probably close to ten years since Grammie was diagnosed. And with every visit, it gets more difficult to watch as she goes deeper and deeper into herself. In the beginning, she would forget dates and names, but as time went on, she stopped recognizing the faces of her family. It's strange, for a while, she remembered names, but couldn't identify who was who. She knew all of us grandkids, but couldn't seem to reconcile the grown-up versions with the younger versions of us that live in her mind. Every once in a while though, the veil would lift and there would be a spark of recognition in her eyes, if just for a glimmer of a second. Now, even those moments are gone.

The older I get, the more I see parts of my grandmother in me. My sense of humor, my love of reading, my artistic side, my long, thin fingers all came from her. And the sadder I become as I realize that we can no longer share in jokes that only we found funny. I can't send her clips of my writing and ask her opinion on them. But this weekend, I found parts of her I thought were long gone. And I was thankful that she was a packrat. Maybe she knew that one day, her children and grandchildren would go through her treasures and remember.

And I do, Grammie, I remember. I'll always remember.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A conversation between two cats

Do you think my cats are judging me when they see me naked? I mean, Hefe races me to the bathroom each morning and then sits on the vanity while I get in the shower. I'm pretty sure he's tsk-tsking behind his whiskers. And then I'm sure he and Guiney are talking about me after I leave for work. Because let's face it, they've got nothing else to do all day but lick themselves, eat, and nap. I'm sure the monotony is broken up by a conversation that might go something like this:

Hefe: Did you catch the size of the human's thighs this morning?

Guiney: Good Lord, yes. She really shouldn't have had that piece of cheesecake before bedtime last night.

Hefe: You'd think by now that she'd realize that it goes straight to her ass.

Guiney: Exactly! But that's not the worst of it, don't you think she could remember to wash her face every night before she goes to bed? I mean, that's how crow's feet get their start! Besides, I'm getting really tired of looking at her mascara smeared face when she feeds us in the morning.

Hefe: That's nothing! How about on the weekends when she doesn't shower until the afternoon and then wants to get in our faces and tell us what cute kitties we are! It's like, "Whoa, lady, we'd like to introduce you to Lever 2000 and maybe a little Crest wouldn't be out of line...because your breath could kill a horse!"

Guiney: True! I hate it even more when she does that stupid thing she calls 'Yoda Kitty.' It was cute the first 5,000 times, but it's just old now. And don't even get me started on that damn Kitty Disco song she sings and makes you dance to. Although, you do have some moves...

Hefe: Ugh! I hate the Kitty Disco song!!

Guiney: Man, she's really weird. But then again, we do have it pretty sweet. I mean, other cats have to live outside!! And she lets us play with her notes when she's trying to study. Remember that one time you laid across that big notebook and she launched you two feet in the air?

Hefe: Heh, yeah! That was cool. I've got an idea, before we take a nap, let's track kitty litter all through the house and throw up hairballs on her new duvet cover, you know how much she loves that!!

Or it could be that I'm just paranoid.

Friday, November 18, 2005


Today is the perfect fall day. The temp is in the mid-50's, the sun is shining making it seem like it's warmer out than it is, the leaves have traded in their bright greens for a brilliant variety of golds, reds and oranges, and there is a crisp, brisk smell to the air that reminds you that winter is not far away. Running errands over lunch, I had the top down so I could drink in the feel of the day, and for once, I didn't have the radio blaring out a favorite song, choosing instead to listen to the sounds around me: the light rustle of leaves on the street as my car rushed through them, the low whine of a lawn mower, the joyous laughing of kids at recess. At a stoplight, I looked to the sky and watched as a single hawk took flight from the top of a bare oak tree. Yes, today is the perfect fall day.

Monday, November 14, 2005


If I could do anything,
it would be to kiss you in the middle of a deserted street
on the rainiest day of the year.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

A short essay

Why I work
by kcterrilynn
I like food.
The end.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


My mom got a new dog last week. She's been thinking of getting one for several months now, but just couldn't find the right one. Until she met Bo last Saturday. Bo is a cute little Jack Russell Terrier/Dachshund mix, and has all the doggie engery that combo implies. His favorite game: fetch. I'm sure his inner doggie dialouge goes something like this...

"Throw the ball! Throw the ball! Throw the ball! Oh, you threw the ball! Where's the ball? Gotta get the ball! Got the ball! Here! Throw the ball! Throw the ball! Did you throw the ball? Where's the ball? Throw the ball! Don't throw the ball! Gotta lick my butt! Throw the ball! Throw the ball! Throw the ball! Here's the ball! Bark! Bark! Throw the ball! Throw the ball! Throwtheball, throwtheball, throwtheball!!!! What are you waiting for? Throwtheball!! "

Mere is damned determined that Bo will not sleep on her bed. Bo is damned determined that he will. Now, my mom is a stubborn lady (no offense, Mere, but you know it's true)...but my money is on Bo. He's so damned cute, she's gonna cave. Soon. Again, no offense, Mere, but you know it's true.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Stolen post

I'm a thief...I've blatently stolen this from Kate.

10 Favorites…
Favorite Color: green
Favorite Food: Mexican
Favorite Band/Singer: James Taylor
Favorite Hobby: reading
Favorite Movie: tie between Casablanca and Bringing Up Baby
Favorite Sport: football, baby!
Favorite Season: fall
Favorite Day of the Week: Sunday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: fresh strawberry
Favorite Time of Day: early evening

9 Currents…
Current Mood: happy
Current Clothes: jeans, blue sweater and black boots
Current Underwear Color: white with blue monkeys
Current Desktop Picture: a gorgeous shot of the moon
Current Nail Color: fingernails, none, but toenails are Shag Me Red
Current Time: 10:32am
Current Surroundings: office
Current Annoyances: a contractor who keeps telling me stupid jokes
Current Thoughts: I wonder if he'd shut up if I wing my stapler at his head

8 Firsts…
First Best Friend: Tina
First Screen Name: ter0309
First Pet: Bassett Hounds named Sadie and Go-go
First Tattoo: small Pisces fish on the inside of my left ankle (followed by a Kokopelli on right shoulder blade and a guardian angel on inside of right ankle)
First Crush: Danny V in the 4th grade
First Music Group: The Eagles
First Car: 1979 Doge Aspen, complete with an AM radio...I was stylin'

7 Lasts…
Last Cigarette: I really never smoked, although I tried it in the 6th grade
Last Drink: a great Cabernet last night
Last Time on Drugs: been a while
Last Kiss: Sunday evening
Last Movie Watched: Arsenic and Old Lace, last Saturday night
Last CD Played: David Gray, White Ladder

6 Have You Evers…
Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
Have you ever broken the law? yes
Have you ever been arrested? nope
Have you ever skinny dipped? yes
Have you ever been on television? yes
Have you ever kissed someone you didn’t know? yes, on a bet

5 Places You’ve Been…
Key West
San Diego

4 People You Can Tell Anything To…
My cats

3 Things…
3 things you can hear right now: clicking of the keyboard, The Killers on the radio, the voices in my head
3 things you can’t live without: love, food, family
3 things you do when you’re bored: read, watch television, sleep

2 Choices…
Black or white: white
Hot or cold: hot

1 Thing You Want To Do Before You Die…
be a mom

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Random Shit

You know, I've been thinking, men and women aren't all that different, we can be a lot alike in certain situations. Like when we're both on fire, then we're exactly alike.


My vision of what hell is really like: a bunch of StairMasters at the DMV with a continuous loop of karaoke-style music.


Have you heard that old saying 'Want what you have'? Doesn't that only work if you already have what you want?


Someone told me the other day that we should all eat like cavemen: protein and fats only, because there were no fat cavemen. Really? Then how do you explain Fred Flintstone?


Something to ponder, if women outnumber men, then why is it still considered a 'man's world'?


Just once, while stuck in an endless debate with someone, I'd love to say, "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap. And your fly is open."


I hate doing laundry. I really, really hate doing laundry. Maybe it's because you have to separate all the colors. Perhaps one day, I'll just put them all in together and let them work out their cultural differences for themselves.


What is it about the brains of women that have us thinking the following: we see a guy, think he's cute one minute, then the next minute, our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him fucking his secretary. By the time someone says, "I'd like you to meet Joe," we yell at him, "You're late with the child support again, dipshit!!"?


Yeah, so I'm in my mid-30's and single. I'm really tired of people asking me when I'm going to get married. Isn't that like asking some 70 year-old when they're going to break a hip? "Hey, Grandma, why haven't you broken your hip yet? Everyone else your age has..."


I'll leave you with my favorite quote from Katharine Hepburn: "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun."

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

For Heatherby

Heather, my dear friend, you are loved. And I know you know this, but you are not alone. I know you feel that way, and I wish I could make everything better, make the hurt and the sadness lessen even a little, but it's impossible. And no one knows that better than I do. I know you miss your mom so much you can hardly breathe. My heart breaks for you and I feel so helpless. I want to absorb the confusion, the anger, the sadness, the hurt, the loneliness, the numbness from you. I want you to feel something, anything, but the pain and loss you are feeling right now. I want to scream at the world for you, rant and rave and get pissed off at the unfairness of it all for you. I want to help you on this journey that you must take through your grief but I don't know how. I don't want to offer up any trivial placatory sentiments; we both know they don't help, so instead, I'll share the following. It's a song by Jewel called 'Angel Standing By.' I don't know why, but it has always spoken to the saddest part of me. You are surrounded by angels, Heatherby; some visible, some invisible, but all here, watching over you.

"All through the night I'll be watching over you
And all through the night I'll be standing over you
And through the bad dreams I'll be right there,
baby telling you everything is gonna be all right
And when you cry, I'll be, be there waiting,
Telling you, you were never nothing less than beautiful
So don't you worry, I'm your Angel standing by."