For Heatherby

Heather, my dear friend, you are loved. And I know you know this, but you are not alone. I know you feel that way, and I wish I could make everything better, make the hurt and the sadness lessen even a little, but it's impossible. And no one knows that better than I do. I know you miss your mom so much you can hardly breathe. My heart breaks for you and I feel so helpless. I want to absorb the confusion, the anger, the sadness, the hurt, the loneliness, the numbness from you. I want you to feel something, anything, but the pain and loss you are feeling right now. I want to scream at the world for you, rant and rave and get pissed off at the unfairness of it all for you. I want to help you on this journey that you must take through your grief but I don't know how. I don't want to offer up any trivial placatory sentiments; we both know they don't help, so instead, I'll share the following. It's a song by Jewel called 'Angel Standing By.' I don't know why, but it has always spoken to the saddest part of me. You are surrounded by angels, Heatherby; some visible, some invisible, but all here, watching over you.

"All through the night I'll be watching over you
And all through the night I'll be standing over you
And through the bad dreams I'll be right there,
baby telling you everything is gonna be all right
And when you cry, I'll be, be there waiting,
Telling you, you were never nothing less than beautiful
So don't you worry, I'm your Angel standing by."