Press 1 for aggravation...

I have just spent the last 45 minutes in automated phone system hell and I'm about to go postal on someone. The 1-800 customer service number for SBC is a misnomer, there is no customer service on that line at all...just a shitload of dead ends and cussing (on my end, anyway.) The first go around was just a lesson in aggravation. None of the options were even close to what I needed. And I listend closely to the following options as I was advised to at the beginning of the call. After listening to them twice, I thought I had found where 'repair' might fit. No dice. It lead me back to the original list of options. I finally just hit 3 for the hell of it to see where it would lead. Some fucktard on the other end told me I had hit the wrong option and before I could ask him where 'fix my goddamned phone line you ass monkey' is in the list of options, he connected me back to the original '1-800-are you really expecting service' automated hell. Finally, after pushing random options, the phone Gods took pity on me and I found my way to Denise. Now, at first I was excited to talk to Denise. I thought she'd lead me out of customer service hell. Ha! Silly me.

Why is it that the system asks you to enter either your account number or your phone number and then when you do finally get an honest to God human fucking being they ask you for the same damned information? TWICE?! Sure, SBC Denise, here's my info again...pay attention this time. Then, she asks what the problem seems to be...well, let's see, I had 15 options to choose from to get me to you and since there wasn't one for 'my fucking phone lines aren't working' I chose option 6 'repairs.' Is that not specific enough for you? She then asked if it was a business or home account...isn't that information right in front of you? It's a business account, Denise. I don't have 6 phone lines, two fax lines and two DSL lines at my house. Denise then asks what I'm calling to report. Again. I repeat that I have no phone service on my business phones, which is kind of important to the day to day running of said business. She then asks if I am calling from the phone line in need of repair. Seriously, she did. And I think I wept a little. She then tells me she's going to run a test on the lines and I might want to let anyone know who was talking on the line that their call might be interrupted. Um, Denise, I'm not trying to be repetitive here, but there is no one on any of the lines...THEY AREN'T WORKING!!!! But sure, I'll let them know. After a few minutes, she lets me know that yes, they do detect some trouble on the line. No shit, Sherlock. Thanks, Denise, good to know that I'm not just randomly making shit up. She then asks if I could email some account info to the 'service center.' I reiterate to Denise that neither of my DSL lines are currently working. She then asks if I'd like to report trouble on those lines as well. Um, taking a wild stab here, but yes? Aren't all 10 numbers listed on the account? And didn't I say all lines weren't working when we started in on this debacle half an hour ago? Then she asks what state the business is located in...again, is the account information not RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU? She must have heard me scream that in my head, because she then said "oh, wait, I see...Kansas City, Montana." Uh, no, MO is for Missouri, not Montana. She then says close enough and asks what the abbreviation for Montana is. While banging my head on the desk, I told her it was MT and that Montana and Missouri are not that close at all, there are about 5 states between them. Finally she tells me that there might be a charge to repair the line, blah, blah, blah, do I still want them to come out. Well, yes, I do since I don't think I can McGyver it with a paper clip, some super glue and a tampon. Although if it means never having to deal with SBC again, I just might try it.