Free for all Friday

Lots of jumbled thoughts, so brace yourself...

• Why is it okay for someone to insult you if they follow the insult with 'sorry, no offense'? Um, yeah, I'm offended you asshat. And you're not really sorry.
• I had the best freakin' dinner last night.
• A moment of silence please, Nick and Jessica have split. I'm not sure how I'll go on.
• And the second sign of the apocalypse: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting a new little clam. If there is anything such as karma in this world, Katie will suffer from post-partum depression and after Tom's suggestion of vitamins and exercise fails, he will be knocking on the door of Pfizer's CEO begging for Prozac. And the CEO will tell him to fuck off.
• My friend Heather gave me a mini Potato Head, so now I have my Tater Tot, but no Mrs. Potato Head. I had to explain to Tot yesterday that the Tater Stork brought him. I don't think he believed me.
• When asked, the Magic 8 Ball predicted "Very Doubtful" when asked if the Chiefs would lose again this week. Of course this is our bye week, so the Magic 8 Ball is 2 for 4.
• Nicholas Cage and his wife had a son this week and named the kid Kal-el (Superman's Kryptonite name). Yeah, you read that right: Superman's name. I guess Clark Kent was too prosaic. Oh, Nicholas, it pains me to say so since I have loved you since 'Valley Girl,' but you are dead to me. Dead to me.
• And finally, my mother has brought to my attention that I use the word 'fuck' a lot in my posts. She has asked that I curb it's usage a bit; my response is fuck that. No offense :) But I have come up with a handy little Potty Mouth Replacement Guide you might want to print out and keep handy, Mere.

Potty Mouth Replacement Guide for Da Mama

1. crap = crud
2. shit = shoot or shhhhhi-take mushrooms
3. Jesus Christ = cheese and rice
4. Goddamn = good ham or gosh durnit
5. fuck = fudge or fiddlesticks
6. asshole or asshat = butthead
7. butthead = posterior head
8. shit for brains = not very smart
9. asswipe = toilet paper
10. bitch = not a nice person (female)
11. son of a bitch = son of a not nice person (female)
12. dickhead = not a nice person (male)
13. dick = Richard
14. fucktard/fuckstick = an incredibly annoying and/or stupid person

Hope it helps, Mere. I will amend the list as needed. (You're erasing my name right now aren't you?)

Happy weekend, y'all!