Thursday, December 28, 2006

The Year of The Terri

On New Year's Day, Dawn and I are going to do a Polar Bear Plunge at Boulder Reservoir. We're considering it a baptism for the New Year; a chance to wash away the mistakes, the missteps, the confusion...and start new.

2007 is going to be all about me, baby.

Whatever I want is what I'm going to make happen. No matter how big or how's happening. All of it. I will not accept another mediocre year of coasting along. Wanting something more is what prompted my move, and after a few setbacks, things seem to be on track. Why stop now? I'm going to learn to ski. I'm going to spend a week in Alaska. I'm going to talk to that guy at the Buffalo Rose who looks like Matthew McConaughey. I'm going to get my motorcycle license. I'm going to go skydiving. I'm going to camp in the mountains. I'm going to play in a Texas Hold 'Em tournament. I'm going to master finding my way around LoDo. I'm going to learn more about hockey. I'm going to join a kickball league. You name it and I just might try it next year.

New year, new start, new Terri.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams
Just go ahead, let your hair down
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow
Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realize that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to!
"Put Your Records On," Corinne Bailey Rae

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

What I want you to know

(I started this post long before I left KC for plan was to post it the weekend I moved, but it was harder to write than I ever thought it would be. It felt like I was saying a ‘forever goodbye’ to everyone when I really just mean it to be a ‘this is what I admire and love about you’ post. I hope I finally caught that vibe.)

Mere I want you to know: For as long as I can remember I’ve always been in awe of your strength. After Daddy died, you were the glue that held our shattered world together. It would’ve been understandable if you just checked out, leaving Kelly and me to fend for ourselves, but you didn’t. You managed to find the right balance between our old life and our new life. The greatest thing you did for us was show us it was alright to laugh again, to be happy again, to live again, to love again. What an incredible gift. Your strength, support, faith, humor, guidance, stubbornness, generosity, unselfishness and most of all your unconditional love are only a few aspects of you that I admire.

Grandad I want you to know: There are so many things I admire about you, but mostly your all encompassing love and strong sense of family stand out the most. I’ve been blessed with three strong, caring, capable and, above all, loving men to look to for guidance. For the short time they were a part of my life, Daddy and Teddy each taught me many things, but I think I’ve learned the most from you: integrity, humor, honesty, faith, strength, compassion, belief in family and love. Grandad, you are the standard.

Kelly I want you to know: To me, you are a living, breathing definition of family. You are selfless when it comes to C & L; which is no surprise because even as kids ourselves, you were selfless with me (that is, when you weren’t bossing me around). I never had any doubts that you would be a great mother since you often practiced on me. Growing up, you took the role of Big Sister seriously (in fact, you still do) by watching out for me. As long as I’ve got you on my side, I know everything will be alright. Marc I want you to know: My sister is lucky to have a husband who obviously adores her. I admire your faith, your honesty, the way you manage to be easy-going, yet steadfastly determined at the same time, and how you’ve embraced Kelly’s family as your own. You and I may not see eye to eye on certain things (politics, religion, football teams, WalMart) but that’s what makes our Bro-in-law/Baby Sis relationship so great. C & L I want you to know: You two are my heart. C, when you were born, I was overwhelmed with such unbelievable levels of love, awe, wonder and protectiveness, I was sure it was a once in a lifetime feeling. Then, came along to humble me with the depth and fierceness of my feelings all over again. And now, watching both of you grow and change daily, my love is more than it ever was. I cannot wait to see what your futures have in store for you. There are no limits to what you each can do.

Bradley I want you to know: Sometimes I see so much of Teddy in you and I can’t help but smile. More than just having his brilliant blue eyes, you have a quiet strength that reminds me of him. You don’t show it often, but you have a huge, kind and giving heart, not to mention a soft side. As a kid I envied my friends with older brothers and would wish I had one as well. I might not have gotten one until I was 19, but if I had hand-picked an older brother I couldn’t have done any better. I’ll always be thankful for you.

Kyle I want you to know: Again, like with Brad, I see glimpses of Teddy in you, but not so much so that it blocks your you-ness. Your lightning fast wit and easy sense of humor have shades of Teddy, but in the end, it’s uniquely yours. I love to watch you with your kids; it seems that daddy-hood comes easy for you. Not long after Mom and Ted (or Dad and Nancy, if you prefer) got married, I remember talking with Teddy about family and such. I told him I thought of you and Brad as his gifts to Kelly and me . He said I was off slightly; he saw all six of us as gifts to each other because we were family by choice and not by chance. As usual, he was right. Amy I want you to know: I see you as the Yin to Kyle’s Yang; the two of you balance each other amazingly well. I admire your sense of family; whether by blood, marriage or friendship, your definition of family only emphasizes the bigness of your heart.

Tina I want you to know: Literally growing up together has given us an amazingly rare gift. To me, ‘friendship’ is a woefully inadequate word to describe our relationship. We’re like sisters, but different; like best friends, but better. You’re in my earliest memories and in practically every one since. All of my life, I’ve depended on you. More than I realize, I’m sure. You’ve always been my touchstone the one who brings me back to reality when I’ve wandered too far; the one who will tell me the absolute, raw, bare truth - even if it isn’t pretty or what I want to hear; the one who holds me to a higher standard than I hold myself; the one who kicks me in the ass when needed; the one who believes when I’ve lost faith in myself. And always, always, always the one who can make me laugh no matter what. Our friendship will never cease to be one of the greatest gifts in my life.

Sandy & Craig I want you to know: I think of you as my ‘bonus’ parents. You represent love, security, comfort, to me. The way I was simply absorbed into your family was so natural, that as a child, I didn’t question it. Only many years later did I realize how unusual and special it was. Each time I was made to sit up straight at the table, expected to drink my milk before I was excused from dinner, or tucked snugly into bed with the same love shown to Tina, I felt like family. And, 35 years later, I still feel like family. Thank you for that.

Dawn I want you to know: I will forever be grateful for the strangely bizarre circumstances that not only brought us together, but provided us with a great story as well. Still, I believe we would’ve met eventually. Our friendship was instantly real, instantly deep, instantly necessary, and instantly forever; how could it be anything other than meant to be? Your natural generosity paired with your open, loving heart are gifts to those of us in your life. You never fail to help, support, love, or advise me. Regardless of passing years or distancing miles, we will remain lasting and loving friends. Mark I want you to know: Admittedly, when Dawn first started dating you, I was incredibly jealous. It seemed to me that she was spending all of her time with you and I was left by the wayside. It didn’t take me long to realize three things: 1) I was being an idiot, 2) you were jealous of the time she spent with me, and 3) she was in love with you. I think you realized these things too and we both understood that being a part of Dawn’s life meant being a part of each others. Instead of spending time resenting each other, we easily became friends in our own right. About a week after the two of you got engaged, I remember you asked me, somewhat jokingly, if you had my blessing. My absolute serious reply then is still true today: I couldn’t have asked for a better man to love my best friend.

Chris I want you to know: You radiate beauty of soul, wisdom of spirit, depth of heart, and treasured friendship. Long before we met, I believe life was orchestrating ways to bring us together. A few weeks before he died, Blake said he had no choice but to introduce us; to have a part in aligning us for a friendship that was destined. He was right, because in you I found a soul sister. Your steady support gives me the freedom to fail or to succeed, but always the freedom to try; your absolute faith that I am capable of greatness drives me to strive for more; your unwavering ability to always see the best in me continuously makes me work to be a better person. You are a true blessing in my life.

Deanna I want you to know: You are beauty, kindness and love. Your very essence is pure, unadulterated, innate goodness. It is simply you, always has been. I felt it when we met in junior high and I knew immediately that we would know each other for a lifetime. Some see us as opposites: your rational manner and my head-in-the-clouds way; your modest shyness and my outrageous, over-the-top tendencies; your conscientious, well thought out planning and my rash, random, reckless approach to decision making; yet, I’ve always thought our differences brought us together to make us stronger by balancing one another out. You allow me to be exactly me, no matter what, without question or judgement. That’s quite a gift.

Heather I want you to know: I believe because we met while each of us were grieving a parent, we were meant to help ease each other’s grief with friendship and understanding. The genuine nature of your inner beauty overwhelms me. Your spirit glows with empathy, sweetness, trust, and kindness, but it’s your heart that draws people to you.

Jeff I want you to know: When we first met so many years ago, I never would’ve guessed that working together in the neighborhood bar would change our lives. Who could’ve known our quick and easy friendship would immediately include Blake and Dawn before expanding with so many others? Somewhere along the line, 13 years later, our circle turned into family. Who gets that lucky? Who gets to be a part of something this special?

John I want you to know: I’ve always found comfort, acceptance and support in you. Being your friend means there is nothing I could ask of you that you wouldn’t move mountains to deliver. You freely give your whole self to those you love, which makes it easy to give the same in return. In all the years we’ve been friends I can honestly say you’ve never let me down. Paula I want you to know: Your immediate acceptance of me only proved that you and John were perfect for each other. It didn’t take me long to realize that your beauty went far beyond your beautiful face but right to the core of you.

I want all of you to know: what it all comes down to is this; I wouldn’t be me without you. Subtract any one of you from my life’s equation and I would be a totally different person. You are the best part of me.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

20 inches least 20 inches of snow is predicted to hit the Denver metro area by noon tomorrow. 20 inches!!!! Holy Mother of God, that's a lot of white stuff.

I hit the grocery store yesterday to stock up just in case I'm snowed in for a while: bread, soda, milk, kitty litter, beer...I'm good for at least a week.

Monday, December 18, 2006


If only you could open your heart
You would give me the world

Friday, December 15, 2006

...and a Happy New Yeeeeeaaarrrr!!!

Merry Christmas, dear blogger friends!!

Your Chia pets are in the mail. (ooops, sorry, did I spoil the surprise?)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Unexplained Emotion

You had your way with me
and I wouldn't want it
any other way
I'm sitting here thinking
about nothing but you,
wondering if you noticed
in the moment that we kissed
everything became slow motion
Are you sitting there thinking
about nothing but me,
and maybe wondering the same

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

It's in the stars

Pisces: You probably feel like playing these days... and play is something you happen to excel at. It is already common knowledge that you are a passionate being, and today's astral configuration brings out that passionate energy even stronger. Practicing safe sex is probably one of the biggest health concerns out there. Protect yourself and your partner, so that you can stay "negative" - and have a great time doing it!

That one was interesting enough, but if you combine it with this horoscope from another source...

Pisces: Don't try to rush through everything. Instead, you should take your time and do the job well. Ultimately, quality is far better than speed. You will receive the utmost respect and praise from those around you when you complete a task with TLC.


Monday, December 11, 2006

Songs from the weekend

Everybody's talkin' at me
Can't hear a word they're sayin'
Only the echoes of my mind
People stoppin', starin'
I can't see their faces
Only the shadows of their eyes
Goin' where the sun keeps shinin'
Through the pouring rain
Goin' where the weather suits my clothes
Banking off a northeast wind
Sailin' on a summer's breeze
Skipping over the ocean
Like a stone
"Everybody's talkin' at me," Harry Nilsson
Tell me just what you want me to be
One kiss and boom you're the only one for me...
It just takes a little bit of this
A little bit of that
It started with a kiss
Now we're up to bat
A little bit of laughs
A little bit of pain
I'm telling you, my babe
It's all in the game of love...
"The Game of Love," Santana
Mine, immaculate dream, made breath and skin,
I've been waiting for you,
Signed, with a home tattoo, happy birthday to you was created for you.
(Can't ever keep from falling apart.. at the seams)
(Can't I believe you're taking my heart.. to pieces)
Ahh, it'll take a little time, might take a little crime to come undone
Now we'll try to stay blind, to the hope and fear outside,
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry.
Who do you need?
Who do you love?
When you come undone.
Words, playing me deja vu,
Like a radio tune I swear I've heard before,
Chill, is it something real,
Or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers
(Can't ever keep from falling apart.. at the seams)
(Can I believe you're taking my heart.. to pieces)
Lost, in a snow filled sky, we'll make it alright, to come undone,
Now we'll try to stay blind, to the hope and fear outside,
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry.
"Come Undone," Duran Duran