If I ruled the world...
it would be okay to call in lazy on a rainy morning, but with one caveat: you must spend the day in bed, dozing, eating, and watching cheesy movies
concert tickets would never be more than $50. And that'd be for the front row center seats
all musical acts would only be allowed one "farewell tour" and if they violate this policy, they'd be put to death. (Cher, I'm looking at you, babe)
afternoon naps in the workplace would be mandatory
recess would be added to the office routine
celebrities and pro athletes would be paid teachers salaries and teachers would be paid like rock stars
reading every movie title at the video store to the lazy jackass at the other end of your cellphone would carry a stiff fine and possible jail time
there would be a tax deduction for pets
people who bitch about how much it costs to fill up their full-size SUV could be smacked without reprecussions
working on Mondays would be optional
working half-days on Fridays would be required
happy hours would be extended and all specials will include a 'buy one, get one free' shot
all men will experience PMS for themselves at least once so they can realize it is a real condition
women will experience the pain of being kicked in the groin so they can realize it really does hurt
Oprah and Dr. Phil would be required by law to shut their pie-holes
the court system will offer a best of three policy on trials: if you're convicted, you get an appeal, if the original verdict stands, that's it. If the original is overturned, you go to a tie-breaker
reality television would be forever banned
celebrites who name their children Apple (Gweneth Paltrow), Poet (Soliel Moon Fry), Trixie Firecracker(Penn), Tallulah Bell(Demi Moore), George II-VII (George Foreman), Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee), Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q (Bono), or Ocean, True, and Sonnet (Forrest Whitaker) would be penalized by having eveyone call their offspring "Bob"
All Elvis impersonations would be of young-hot-1968 Comeback Tour-accoustic-sweaty-black leather wearing-Elvis only
Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan would be banned from singing. Ever. Even in the privacy of their own homes
the NBA season would be whittled down from 18 months to 8 weeks, while the NFL season would be extended by three months
Tom Cruise would be required by law to finally let his gay ass out of the closet. And he would be under a strict gag-order to never mention the words "Katie Holmes," "Scientology," "L. Ron Hubbard," or "I know the history of Psychology, you don't" or risk having Prozac force fed to him by angry post-partum mothers
there'd be a cure for cancer, no more poverty & starvation in the world, and world peace
and all problems and misunderstandings would be cured by chocolate
concert tickets would never be more than $50. And that'd be for the front row center seats
all musical acts would only be allowed one "farewell tour" and if they violate this policy, they'd be put to death. (Cher, I'm looking at you, babe)
afternoon naps in the workplace would be mandatory
recess would be added to the office routine
celebrities and pro athletes would be paid teachers salaries and teachers would be paid like rock stars
reading every movie title at the video store to the lazy jackass at the other end of your cellphone would carry a stiff fine and possible jail time
there would be a tax deduction for pets
people who bitch about how much it costs to fill up their full-size SUV could be smacked without reprecussions
working on Mondays would be optional
working half-days on Fridays would be required
happy hours would be extended and all specials will include a 'buy one, get one free' shot
all men will experience PMS for themselves at least once so they can realize it is a real condition
women will experience the pain of being kicked in the groin so they can realize it really does hurt
Oprah and Dr. Phil would be required by law to shut their pie-holes
the court system will offer a best of three policy on trials: if you're convicted, you get an appeal, if the original verdict stands, that's it. If the original is overturned, you go to a tie-breaker
reality television would be forever banned
celebrites who name their children Apple (Gweneth Paltrow), Poet (Soliel Moon Fry), Trixie Firecracker(Penn), Tallulah Bell(Demi Moore), George II-VII (George Foreman), Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee), Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q (Bono), or Ocean, True, and Sonnet (Forrest Whitaker) would be penalized by having eveyone call their offspring "Bob"
All Elvis impersonations would be of young-hot-1968 Comeback Tour-accoustic-sweaty-black leather wearing-Elvis only
Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan would be banned from singing. Ever. Even in the privacy of their own homes
the NBA season would be whittled down from 18 months to 8 weeks, while the NFL season would be extended by three months
Tom Cruise would be required by law to finally let his gay ass out of the closet. And he would be under a strict gag-order to never mention the words "Katie Holmes," "Scientology," "L. Ron Hubbard," or "I know the history of Psychology, you don't" or risk having Prozac force fed to him by angry post-partum mothers
there'd be a cure for cancer, no more poverty & starvation in the world, and world peace
and all problems and misunderstandings would be cured by chocolate
posted by kcterrilynn at 7:41 AM
10 Comments:
Awesome post! Just what I needed on a Friday morning to carry me through the day. LOL. Have a great weekend. :)
nodding in agreement...
this post rocks! some GREAT points!!!
:)
You have my vote!
You're the woman, you got my vote. Hell, you owned me when you extended the NFL season by 3 months. One teeny thing, can we call those offspring asshole. I know too many really nice Bob's.
And the chocolate......! Belgian, please!
Have a wonderfull, fullfilling weekend unbesmirched by concrete.
Hahaha!! This is an awesome post! I love all of it. I would totally help put you in the position to rule the world. ;)
Great Post! I'm with you on the mandatory afternoon nap at work! :)
Have a great weekend!
kate - glad I could help
anisa - thanks
robb - I'd run for office, but I've got too many skeletons waiting to come out
monty - I'm not insulting the Bobs of the world, I was just trying to be generic
marie - you're hired! And we'll both get paid like rock stars, because hey, I'd be the ruler of the world!
Vix - I'm contemplating a nap right now!
Have a great weekend, guys!
This was great! You rule!
What an entertaining post. These are the ones I hope to find when I surf the Blogos.
OK, no more stretching for humor. You rule, it's your rules. And may all them Bobs figure it out for themselves! Weekend!!
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