Wild World
I've told my family goodbye a lot over the years...and usually through my own doing. In a few weeks, it will be a year since I left my mom at DIA and started my life here in Denver. On our way to the airport, neither one of us really said much. I can only say for myself that I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I would burst into tears. As we said our goodbyes, she hugged me tight and whispered "I hope you find what you're looking for."
Over the past few months, I've thought a lot about those words. I will admit that for a long time I felt guilty about leaving Kansas City...it's not that my family or friends ever made me feel that way, it's just something that would sneak up on me once in a while. Why wasn't I happy there? Why wasn't it enough for me? What am I looking for and why was I so sure that it wasn't in Kansas City? Am I slighting my family if I am happier living somewhere else? I still don't have many answers, but I can say this with certainty: I no longer feel guilty for forging a new path. For the first time in a long time I can say that I am happy...and I know that my family is behind me 100 percent.
And I may not have found exactly what I'm looking for, Mere, but dammit, I'm getting close.
Over the past few months, I've thought a lot about those words. I will admit that for a long time I felt guilty about leaving Kansas City...it's not that my family or friends ever made me feel that way, it's just something that would sneak up on me once in a while. Why wasn't I happy there? Why wasn't it enough for me? What am I looking for and why was I so sure that it wasn't in Kansas City? Am I slighting my family if I am happier living somewhere else? I still don't have many answers, but I can say this with certainty: I no longer feel guilty for forging a new path. For the first time in a long time I can say that I am happy...and I know that my family is behind me 100 percent.
And I may not have found exactly what I'm looking for, Mere, but dammit, I'm getting close.
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
and I'll always remember you like a child, girl
Cat Stevens, "Wild World"
posted by kcterrilynn at 10:00 AM
5 Comments:
Good for you KC. Every once in a while, I feel like I'd really like to move from Cleveland. This city is not exactly at its zenith right now and sometimes it seems like a fresh start somewhere might give me a shot at being a little happier. Then I tell myself that I like Cleveland and that I have to stick it out, that I wouldn't want to leave my family, that all cities are basically the same with the same problems, etc. The reality is that I'm just afraid. Afraid of leaving everything and everyone I know to take a chance on something where there's no guarantee it will be better. I have a lot of respect for people like you who can deal with that fear and at least try. Even if you didn't find what you were looking for, at least you haven't just sat on the sidelines.
There's a kinship among all people who search. When you look at them, you can see the movement in their eyes.
I agree with Jason. My father and grandfather both have a certain sense of wanderlust in their personality, and I've certainly inherited that from them.
To put it in fortune cookie language: For some of us, the journey is our home.
The most we can do is follow happiness wherever it leads us, not always where we'd think, but there you go.
I felt the same way when I moved to TN from PA 3 years ago. I've found happiness but yet my soul is restless. Maybe I am a gypsy at heart. I'm glad you are happy and think it's great you are forging a new path. Your own path.
Hey, I'm forming a Fantasy Football League (FREE) if you want to join, check out my blog! :)
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