These are the Contents of My Head

Longing

2009-01-13T09:28:00.003-07:00

Another day has passed me by
And there's an island in the sun
To see me through
Another day in paradise
But there's no reason, there's no rhyme
Without you

Here comes the night
Here comes the dreaming of you
Breathing your love in me
Here comes the night
Here comes the feeling I've been
Waiting here for so long
I've been waiting here for so long

There's a time and there's a place
When we can share the silver night
Silent room
In my bed an empty space
'cause there's no other in my life
Only you

Here comes the night
Here comes the dreaming of you
Breathing your love in me
Here comes the night
Here comes the feeling I've been
Waiting here for so long
I've been waiting here for so long

Par Avion, Mike & the Mechanics

One Word

2009-01-07T09:16:00.007-07:00

Your cell phone? desk
Your significant other? searching
Your hair? short
Your mother? adored
Your father? missed
Your favorite thing? love
Your dream last night? flying
Your favorite drink? Rio
Your dream/goal? published
The room you're in? office
Your fear? rejection
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Italy
Where were you last night? sofa
What you're not? satisfied
Muffins? English
Wish list item? bliss
Where did you grow up? haven't
Last thing you did? type
What are you wearing? red
Your TV? dusty
Your pets? pure
Your computer? laptop
Your life? progressing
Your mood? changing
Missing someone? always
Something you're not wearing? watch
Favorite store? Target
Your summer? anticipated
Your favorite color? green
Last time you laughed? minutes
Last time you cried? Hefe

Goodbye, Old Friend

2008-12-23T08:57:00.002-07:00

Hefeweisen, 1995-2008

He was the best Hefe-Schintzel that ever was. And he will be greatly missed.

Brotherly Love

2008-11-20T16:50:00.002-07:00

Horton and Bentley snoozing...

Too. Damn. Cute!!

Revolution

2008-11-06T15:28:00.001-07:00

You say you want a revolution
Well you know
we all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know you can count me out, in
Don't you know it's gonna be alright
Alright Alright

You say you got a real solution
Well you know
we'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well you know
We're all doing what we can
If you want money for people with minds that hate
All I can tell you is brother you have to wait
Don't you know it's gonna be alright
Alright Alright

You say you'll change the constitution
Well you know
we'd all love to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well you know
You better free your mind instead
But if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao
You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow
Don't you know it's gonna be alright
Alright

The Beatles, "Revolution"

Buh-bye now!

2008-11-05T10:53:00.004-07:00

Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na, hey hey hey good bye...

Random Pics

2008-10-10T15:54:00.010-06:00

Grandad and his PeeVee (aka kctl)

Bryan and me...5 months after transplant. He is doing fantastic!!

kcsis with Bentley, kctl with Horton

A girl and her dog on Labor Day

Horty making friends at Doggy Day Care (aka 'Disneyland')

Sleepy puppy after a long day at Disneyland

Who Me?!

2008-09-18T08:26:00.000-06:00

"Okay, so I honestly don't know how the mail got chewed up. I was sleeping all day...look at my face...would I lie to you?"

Love, love, love 'The Daily Show'

2008-09-08T16:46:00.000-06:00

Sibling Rivalry

2008-08-22T15:57:00.006-06:00

Dear Human,

We are writing about this creature you brought into our home last week. We can only assume that given the way he pathetically follows you around, begging for attention, that he is a dog, for we know of no other animal that would lower itself to such demeaning levels. The eagerness that he has to please you is making us look bad.

The constant squeaking from the toys is interrupting our lazy time, plus he thinks that our hissing and paw swats mean we want to play. Why does he not understand that we are menacing and should be feared?! Not to mention, we resent having to jump onto a counter to be fed simply because he is dim and cannot tell the difference between dog food and cat food.

We simply must insist that the offending creature be removed from our home immediately.

Best regards,
Hefeweisen and Guinness

*********************

Dear Hefe and Guinney,

Give the little guy a chance. He's cute and sweet and is here to stay, so get used to it.

And I suggest that you be nice...he won't be smaller than you forever.

Lovingly,
Your Human

*********************

Dear Hissy and Pissy,

Neener, neener, neener!!!

Woof!
Horton

My Life in 6 Words:

2008-08-21T12:40:00.002-06:00

"Didn't always succeed,

but tried anyway."

Dog Days of Summer

2008-08-08T08:13:00.003-06:00

Horton: the Prince of Puppydom. I pick him up next week. Can't wait!!!

I've done all of my new mommy things: set up his room, bought toys, toys and more toys, enrolled him in puppy class, made his first vet appointment and prepared his siblings for the new addition (I don't think the cats really believe me when I tell them that their lazy lives will change, but they can't say I didn't warn them).

Horton Helldinkleschnitt

2008-07-09T15:39:00.006-06:00

I wanna hug him and kiss him and call him George!

I can't help myself...he's just so dang cute!

Rwwaaarr! (okay, so it's totally a yawn, but I like to think he's showing off his big boy growl)

New Addition to the kctl Family

2008-06-30T14:16:00.003-06:00

This is Horton, my new Basset puppy. He's 2 weeks old and lives in Nebraska with his mommy, but as of August 23rd, he'll be living in The Mile High City with me, Hefeweisen and Guinness. I can't wait!!

The Letter

2008-05-29T21:41:00.001-06:00

When I moved out of my parents house, Teddy wrote me a letter:

Dear Terri,

When you announced that you were moving out, my first thought was "finally!" However, in reality, it is somewhat bittersweet. On one hand I feel that it is time, on the other hand there are several things I will miss with you being gone. So, I thought I would list some of the things I won't miss and some of the things that I will. Amazingly, the two sides pretty well balance each other out. Here goes...

Things I will not miss:
*cleaning your hair out of the bathtub drain
*your sleeping on the divan
*your leaving things where they fall
*the tornadic state of your room
*your sitting on the arms of the furniture
*playing car hockey for a parking space
*worrying about you when you are gone
*your 20 minute showers
*your smelly sneakers

Things I definitely will miss:
*water fights
*your neat sense of humor
*your constant smile and happy personality
*our mealtime conversations
*your jokes (no matter how bad)
*food fights
*your lengthy explaination of the days events
*the many friendly discussions/disagreements we've had
*finding fosselized cookie dough in the strangest places
*having someone to blame for missing food
*finally, not being able to see you as often as I would like

Love,
Teddy

I miss these things too, Teddy, and so much more. You are gone but not forgotten. You are always in my heart and never far from my mind.

Hello? Is this thing on?

2008-05-27T14:17:00.002-06:00

Guess if you don't update at least weekly, your very small readership mostly disappears. Not that I have anyone but myself to blame. I've been a very bad blogger lately. I won't make empty promises of updates every day (because, let's be real here) but I do promise more than monthly ones. Honest.

Right now, I've got one or two posts in the pipeline, but they're not ones I can do from work, so I will roll those puppies out by this weekend. Can't you just feel the excitement?!

K-Day

2008-04-29T22:15:00.008-06:00

In recovery with good ol' Humphrey

Nice hair...

Don't know what good the glasses were doing

Morphine was my friend

Greatest flower arrangement ever!!! Do my friends know me or what?!

Bryan and me 3 days after surgery...just looking at this picture makes me smile. We look goofy and neither of us had showered for several days, but it doesn't matter. I think it's the most beautiful picture I've ever seen.

Living life

2008-04-23T09:22:00.002-06:00

Finally, we've arrived at After Transplant. Bryan and I are doing fantastic. I don't remember much from the two days after surgery, but I do remember asking about Bryan and breaking down when I heard that the kidney was working beautifully.

We're both home now...and on our way to recovery. I'm still a bit loopy due to the drugs, so this is about all I'm gonna write for now. I just wanted to check in.

Two Words:

2008-04-08T08:44:00.004-06:00

NATIONAL FUCKING CHAMPS!!!!!!!!!!!

Countdown to K-Day

2008-04-06T11:19:00.002-06:00

The last few weeks have been divided into two categories: Before Transplant and After Transplant.

Until mid-March we didn't even have a date yet, but then I got the phone call...Wednesday April 16th. That's when I started thinking in terms of BT and AT. There are so many things I have to get in order Before Transplant. Who's taking care of the cats? Travel arrangements to Wichita. Where am I recovering? If I go back to Denver, do we fly or does kcmere drive us back? If we go to Kansas City, again, do we fly or drive? Paperwork for Short-term Disability. Training a temp at work. Book a return flight for Mere. Make arrangements for some bill payments to be deferred for a month. Call for a medical hold to be put on my gym membership. Get a list of phone numbers together for kcmere and kcsis to call with updates. It seems that the list went on and on.

I'm sure there will be things I will add before I leave on Wednesday morning for Wichita and all of the pre-op stuff before surgery the following week, but as of this morning I've checked off everything I had on the BT list.

It's amazing how many people have told me in recent days that Bryan and I have been added to their prayers. It's truly humbling to have so many people wishing you well. I can honestly say that I am not concerned for myself, I am healthy and my recovery should be uneventful. My concern is for Bryan. I want so badly for him to get healthy and get back to his life which has been on hold for so long. I've been thinking of things in Before Transplant and After Transplant terms for just a few months, Bryan's been doing it for close to two years. I'm not the most religious person on the planet, but I would appreciate any good thoughts you guys might send our way (especially Bryan's) over the next few weeks. After April 16th, neither of us will have to think Before Transplant again.

Y'all take care and I'll be back on-line around the 20th or so.
Much love,
kcterrilynn

(kcsis will be guest blogging from Wichita with updates and perhaps, if you're lucky, a pic or two of a doped up Bryan and me showing off our matching incisions.)

Meet Grace

2008-03-25T15:45:00.005-06:00

In my Easter basket this year, I got Dove chocolates filled with caramel, cashew nuts, Sweet Tarts and "Grace":

I don't know if you can see it from the picture, but Grace came complete with an ACE bandage around her left foot (looks suspiciously like my left foot did until yesterday when the orthopedic guy gave me an air cast thingy) and a band-aid on her right knee (exactly like the one I'm sporting from a recent mishap involving crutches and some concrete steps). Good to know I'm not the only klutz in the family.

And to kcsis: Thank you Easter Bunny! Bwak! Bwak!

N C double A

2008-03-19T09:36:00.006-06:00

I love this time of year ! It's better than Christmas!!!! It's NCAA Tourney time...and that means it's time for my Annual Ode to March Madness. Won't you sing along?

(to the tune of 'Old MacDonald had a Farm')

Terri Lynn had a bracket
N C double A
And on this bracket she picked her teams
N C double A
With a Tar Heel here and a Tar Heel there
Here a Heel, there a Heel
You ain’t the champs Heel

Terri Lynn had a bracket
N C double A
And on this bracket she picked her teams
N C double A
With a Bruin here and a Bruin there
Here a Bruin, there a Bruin
Ain’t your year Bruin

Terri Lynn had a bracket
N C double A
And on this bracket she picked her teams
N C double A
With a Jayhawk here and Jayhawk there
Here a 'Hawk, there a 'Hawk
Gonna win it all 'Hawk

Terri Lynn had a bracket
N C double A

Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!!

2008-03-14T10:48:00.003-06:00

Wednesday morning I was heading to work as usual; had my hands full with my tote bag, my purse and trash for the dumpster. I locked my door, dropped my keys in my coat pocket and started down the stairs. The first flight was business as usual...the second, not so much. Two steps down and my boot heel got caught in my pants cuff and down I went. Besides landing pretty hard on my left shoulder and hip, I also managed to do some serious damage to my left ankle and foot. I called 911 and rode to the hospital with some very cute and very nice paramedics (I'm not just saying that because they gave me morphine either). Once at the ER several doctors and nurses stopped by to look at my Amazing Swelling Ankle - it Swells! it turns Blue!! The entire staff told me what a good job I had done. What do you all think?

After sitting there for 4 hours and watching my foot get bigger and more blue, they decided that they couldn't tell if it was broken or not because the tissue was too swollen to see through on the x-rays. Great. They sent me home with a half-cast, crutches, 20 Percocet and instructions to follow up with an orthopedic surgeon on Monday. Yippee Skippy.

Peep Show

2008-03-10T14:31:00.000-06:00

And introducing...

2008-02-22T16:07:00.006-07:00

...the stars of Babypalooza 2007:

David (that's Davey to his Auntie Terri)

Emerson (that's Emie to the in crowd)

Old schmold

2008-02-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

My friend Steph brought up a very interesting point of view this morning:

If 40 is the new 30, then 30 is the new 20...ergo, we're in our 20's right? Right?

I say right on, Steph!! That's the kind of thinking I can get behind!

Something beautiful

2008-01-24T14:02:00.000-07:00

"The process of life, from youth

to middle age to old age to death,

is to create something beautiful -

the soul."

Ai Ja Lee

The Girls' Book of Wisdom

To Save a Life

2008-01-11T09:33:00.000-07:00

I want to give a gift to my cousin Bryan.

Over a year ago, Bryan's kidneys started to fail and he started dialysis; in dire need of a kidney transplant, his brother Harry was first in line to get tested to see if he was a match. He was. Harry underwent several months of doctors appointments, psych evaluations and more doctors appointments. They scheduled the surgery for September 2007 but two days before checking into the hospital, Bryan had a reaction to some meds and had several seizures. The surgery was postponed until November. In November, the doctors decided that Harry's blood pressure was too borderline to hypertension so they nixed him as a donor candidate. Talk about devastation. Harry was devastated that he couldn't help his little brother, Bryan was devastated to be postponed again and the rest of the family was devastated that the search had to start all over.

In December, I sent a blood sample to the Transplant Team and several weeks later they called to tell me I am a match. So, now I am the one going through the process and even though the surgery is still a few months away, every day we are one step closer to getting Bryan the kidney he needs to save his life.

When people hear what I am doing, the first thing most always say is: "That's amazing...I don't know if I could do that." And I can't help but wonder why anyone wouldn't. Yes, it's major surgery, with all the risks that implies, but when I heard that Harry couldn't donate, within 15 minutes I was on the phone to the Transplant Team asking what I needed to do to get tested. And now, knowing that we match, how could I say no and still look my family in the eye? I couldn't.

For as long as I can remember, I have been very vocal to my family and friends about wanting my organs donated after I die. I think my strong feelings about this comes from Daddy dying: in my 10 year-old mind I was convinced that a new heart could've saved him. Now, I am presented with the opportunity to help while I'm still here. And help not just anyone, but Bryan - family- and there is no way I would ever say no.

Am I scared? Yes. Is Bryan scared? Yes. Will I be sorry? Never.

A Special Kind of Stupid

2008-01-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

It may be a new year, but I'm certainly not any smarter this year than I was last. In fact, I just may be a bit dumber.

Since Saturday was the first day above freezing in a few weeks, Dawn, Mark and I decided to make a day of it. We started in Golden at a local hole-in-the-wall bar where we enjoyed the coldest pitcher of Coors Light known to man. On the way out the door I spotted an ATM. I needed some cash so I stopped and swiped my card. The machine said "Hello kctl, please enter your 4-digit PIN number." And I did: SJXL. And the machine promptly said: "Incorrect PIN." What?! Hmm, maybe it's JSXL, so that's what I put in next. Machine: "Incorrct PIN, dumbass" (Well, the dumbass was implied). I started to do it again, but Dawn (who, unlike me, is obviously not getting dumber as the years go by) said that if I put in another incorrect number the machine would probably keep my card. Okay, so I heeded her wise words and thought I'd try again later.

We continued our day at Coors (free beer!) and as we headed out, there was another ATM so I stopped again...SJLX this time. Machine: "Look, fuckstick, either figure it out or leave me alone!" I couldn't remember what I used the first time at the first machine, so I tried SJXL again. Still no good, go figure. Fine, I'll show you! I don't need no stinkin' cash, I'll just use my debit card for the rest of the day!

I was confident that if I just stopped thinking about it, the right PIN would come to me. I knew I had the right 4 numbers, I just wasn't sure of the order. The day wore on and I still couldn't pull the right combo of numbers out of my ass. On my way home, I stopped at the ATM at my bank thinking that maybe I had it right this time. SLJX. Machine: "Are you serious, lady?! You're blonde aren't you?" Sigh. Guess I'll sleep on it.

Sunday afternoon on my way to meet D & M, I stopped one last time: SXJL. Machine: "Ding, ding, ding!! You finally pulled your head out of your ass and rembered the right combo! Now, I shall reward you with $60 of your own money! Congratulations!!!!"

Yup, I'm a special kind of stupid. Today I will be going to the bank and request a PIN change to something I can remember like AAAA.

...Speaking Words of Wisdom

2007-12-31T09:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not big on resolutions...so this year I've decided on more of a life concept than a resolution. In 2008 I will do my best to follow the words of Lennon and McCartney: "Let it be. There will be an answer, let it be."

Don't push it; don't sweat it; don't force it; don't worry about it; just...let it be. So simple it's genius.

My wish for you...

2007-12-20T15:39:00.000-07:00

For you, there'll be no more crying
For you, the sun will be shining
And I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right

To you, I'll give the world
To you, I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.

And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before.

And I wish you all the love in the world,
But most of all, I wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before, like never before.

Fleetwood Mac, 'Songbird'

Happy Christmas, friends, and best wishes in the New Year.
Much love,
kctl

Halloween Grinch, part II

2007-12-10T08:39:00.001-07:00

Evidence of why I am a Halloween Grinch:

This is kcsis and me as Raggedy Ann & Andy for Halloween 1976. On my head, please note the 'dreaded wig.'

Looking back, I admit, it was a very cute costume...and dang, was I cute in it!

Then there came the following Halloween and notice I'm not happy to be sporting the 'dreaded wig' for the second year in a row...

Year of the Terri Recap

2007-12-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

found a full-time job
won money on the Super Bowl
went to Vegas
saw a frozen dead guy
discovered the world's greatest pizza
joined a gym
bought a digital camera
watched KU/CU basketball game in Boulder
experienced my first blizzard and was literally snowed in for several days
finally found my way around downtown Denver
met Jim (aka Cleveland) from My Boring Best and Don from .38 Caliber Therapy
wandered around at the National Western Stock Show
jammed to the John Butler Trio at Red Rocks
fell in love
had my heart broken
cruised to Alaska
drove a dog sled
rode in a helicopter
hiked in the Alaskan wilderness
saw an iceberg
walked on a glacier
made new friends
became an (honorary) Auntie, twice
cheered for the Rockies in the World Series
lost a bet on the Rockies in the World Series
went from platinum blonde to dark blonde
helped pick out and cut down a Christmas tree
attended the Chiefs/Broncos game at Invesco Field

All in all, not a bad 365 days. Can't wait to see what 2008 has in store!

Contrary

2007-11-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

After the finality of talking with him last night, I was positive that this morning, the sun would be hidden behind a sky full of clouds and the day would be gray.

It isn't.

The sun is out, the sky is a gorgeous shade of blue dotted with an occasional cloud puff. I'm still sad, but this kind of sun makes me believe everything is going to be all right.

Good news/Bad news

2007-11-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

Bad news:
Chiefs 17
Raiders 20

Good news:
Bears 37
Broncos 34

Bad news:
(football)
KU 28
MU 36

Good news:
(basketball)
KU 76
Arizona 72

Wait! Did I kill Kenny?!

2007-11-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

Which Animated Show Are You?

My Result: South Park

C'mon, was there any doubt your cartoon match would be South Park? If there's a boundary to cross, you're there. And you'll probably cross it twice. And then you'll do something kinda dirty to it. Not only are you usually the first to hear about breaking news, but you're almost always the first to make fun of it. Hot-button topics and cultural references? Nothing's off limits!

From the hottest trends to the latest scandals, you're a regular Jon Stewart — and equally as popular (well, almost). Way to make us respect your authoritay!

Take this test >

Babypalooza 2007

2007-11-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

For Heatherby and Aaron and baby Emerson Kathleen
and
For Joy and Chad and baby David Edison

First Star Wishes

Warm snuggles and butterfly kisses
Pink bows and first star wishes
Kool-aid smiles and boundless joys
Yellow dandelions and fluffy, stuffed toys

Downy soft hair and a button nose
Green lollipops and chubby toes
Heirloom quilts and sun-warmed face
Blue booties and an Angel's grace

All my love,
Auntie Ter

And the point would be...?

2007-11-08T11:05:00.000-07:00

I bought new socks the other day and they came in a reseable bag. What the hell? What marketing genius thought that socks needed to come in a reseable bag? Maybe they thought the bags could be reused...perhaps tomorrow I'll bring a sandwich to the office in my reseable sock bag.

This morning, I opened the bag, took out one pair and didn't reseal it. Do you suppose when I get home the rest of my new socks will be stale?

The Halloween Grinch

2007-10-31T11:45:00.000-06:00

I realized something about myself today. I am a Halloween Grinch. I don't pass out candy, I don't dress up, I don't carve pumpkins. I just don't do Halloween.

Not sure when my Halloween Grinchiness started, but I think I can trace it back to the year my mom made kcsis and me Raggedy Ann and Andy costumes. I was in the first grade and all the kids teased me about the red yarn wig my mom had made. Now, don't get me wrong, my mom is one hell of a seamstress and she made great costumes, but that wig thingy was the bane of my existence for two years, because the following year, she reused it for my clown costume. And thus, the Halloween Grinch was born.

The only Halloween tradition I like is going to the Haunted Houses. Kansas City is famous for a lot of things (BBQ, jazz, the Chiefs choking during the playoffs...) but what you may not know about KC is that at the beginning of every October, the West Bottoms come alive (so to speak) with zombies, ghouls and ax murderers when the haunted houses open. These places are old, huge, empty, creaky warehouses that during normal times are pretty scary, but come October they get a Halloween make over and become even more spooky. Every year, my mom would take me, kcsis and several of our friends downtown to places called 'The Edge of Hell' or 'Catacombs' to get the crap scared out of us. It was awesome. I won't deny that I was (and still am) a huge chicken when it came to going through these places and screamed like a 6 year old sissy. And the only reason I'm admitting it is because kcsis will totally rat me out in the comments if I tried to pretend otherwise, wouldn't you sis? It seems that not even the ghouls of hell could scare the Grinch out of me though.

So, tonight while other people are oohing and ahhing over tots dressed as princesses or pirates and sullen 15 year old kids dressed like sullen 15 year old kids, I'll be watching a movie and pretending I'm not home. All hail the Halloween Grinch!!!

Game. On.

2007-10-24T08:27:00.000-06:00

Rockies in 5.

Edited 26 Oct: Erm, and by 'Rockies in 5' I meant Rockies in 7.

On top of a glacier...all covered in snow

2007-10-19T11:02:00.000-06:00

This is one of my favorite pics from our Alaska trip.

The kcfam at the musher's camp on Mendenhall Glacier

(title of this post courtesy of kcsis)

Apples and Wine

2007-10-18T08:20:00.000-06:00

Got this in an email from a great friend of mine and it made me chuckle:

Women are like apples: the best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but they are easy to get. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right person to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men....men are like a fine wine: they begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Better late than never...Alaska pics

2007-10-16T08:45:00.000-06:00

Adobe, our lead dog at the dogsled camp on Mendenhall Glacier

kcsis and kcmom on Mendenhall Glacier

Dodie at the dogsled camp on Mendenhall Glacier

View of Mendenhall Glacier from the helicopter

Flying back to Juneau

kctl sporting the latest in helicopter chic headphones

Dodie with Ramone, Emmerson and Carmo, my favorite bartenders

Dodie and kctl's Pyrat Isle (being on a cruise ship causes you to do weird things - like make cookie islands)

The sole inhabitant of Pyrat Isle, kicking back on his lime rind hammock and enjoying a foo-foo cocktail drink

Dodie on float trip down Skagway River

Booger Butt on the Chilkoot Trail in Klondike National Park

View from the train in Skagway

On the train in Skagway

Booger Butt on the train in Skagway

View from ship porthole - bits of ice as we get closer to the Hubbard glacier

Hubbard glacier close up

Hubbard glacier

kcmom and Booger Butt at Hubbard Glacier

Dodie and Booger Butt in Sitka

"Goin' to Kansas City...Kansas City, here I come..."

2007-10-11T15:15:00.000-06:00

I'm headed home tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited.

Since I've moved, I've seen my family a lot more that I thought I would. Of course it helps that Grandad lives roughly halfway between Denver and KC, which makes it pretty convenient to meet there for a weekend. Even so, I still miss them and it's great to be going home. And not just to see family either. I haven't been to KC in a year and that's the longest I've ever gone without a visit. It's been a year since I've seen some of my friends and I can't wait to just hang and be, you know? It's been a year since I stepped foot in Arrowhead...can't wait to see my Chiefs live and in person.

There's much drinking and catching up to do. Better batten down the hatches, folks...kcterrilynn is coming to town!!

Touch

2007-10-04T16:37:00.000-06:00

Everybody needs touch

Someone to hold them

When life gets to be too much

Ramble on

2007-10-03T08:15:00.000-06:00

Some Wednesday rambles for you:

I got home from work yesterday and could only find one cat. Uh-oh. 'Guinney...here kitty.' My answer was a faint 'merow.' Double uh-oh. I checked the linen closet in case I had accidentally closed him in (he likes to sleep on the bottom shelf)...no Guinness. Again, 'Guineeeeeey.' And again my answer was a 'merow' but it was a bit more pissed off and coming from...the dining room? I opened up the pantry door and just about got run down by a black streak as it headed down the hall to the litter box. I shut my cat in the pantry that morning. Oops.
Every day on my way to and from work I drive by a doll shop that has a display of doll heads in the front window. Talk about creepy.
Why oh why did the Viagra people have to desicrate "Viva Las Vegas" in their ads? Whoever sold them the rights to that song (I'm not sure Lisa Marie and Priscilla own them anymore) should be pelted with olives.
Was passed by a guy this morning in a tricked out Bronco-mobile who had an LED display on his license plate frame that read "Jaguars suck...Colts suck..." Suppose he's going to list every team that the Broncos lose to this season?
I had a dream the other night that when I went home for a visit everyone ignored me...even my mother! I called her the next morning and was like 'Dude! You were totally ignoring me! What's up with that?' She promised not to do it again.
Is there any product that Peyton Manning won't shill for? I'm already bracing for his "Do you ever get that not so fresh feeling" douche commercial that Massingill will unveil during the Super Bowl.

Happy Hump Day!

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks

2007-10-02T08:15:00.000-06:00

The Rockies have made it to the post season and this town is going nuts. I missed the end of the game last night (in fact, went to bed around the 11th inning) but was woken up by honking and screaming to hear that the Rockies beat the Padres 9-8 in 13 innings.

And for the first time since 1985 I will watch the MLB playoffs. Then I cheered for the Royals, this time I'll cheer for the Rockies, because as the song says: "Root, root, root for the home team..."

(Just don't expect me to apply the same logic if the Donkeys happen to make it to the NFL playoffs...'cause: just no.)

Go Rockies!!!!

Happiness is...

2007-10-01T09:43:00.001-06:00

sleeping in on Sundays

fresh baked cookies

hugs and kisses from Booger Butt and Dodie

an unexpected phone call from a long lost friend

the view on SH-93 driving to Boulder

girl's night

flirting with the cute HVAC guy

Arrowhead on a perfect fall day

finding $20 in the pocket of an old jacket

Annie Lennox

Friends, both old and new

broken-in-just-right flannel sheets

margaritas at The Rio

watching the Aspens change

"I love you..."

driving aimlessly with the top down

going home

me

Tomorrow is Such a Long Time

2007-09-28T13:20:00.000-06:00

...If today was not an endless highway

If tonight was not a crooked trail

If tomorrow wasn't such a long time

Then lonesome would mean nothing to me at all...

Nickle Creek, "Tomorrow is Such a Long Time"

Only to Find

2007-09-27T16:27:00.000-06:00

Always the dreamer
Even when I was young
With the truth right there
I would always cut and run
Afraid to face my fear

Always searching for Lancelot
Like I was Guinevere
A white knight in shining armor
Only to find
There ain't no superheros here

Makes Perfect Sense...

2007-09-26T11:20:00.000-06:00

I work with a bunch of medical professionals and one of them emailed this to me today and now everything makes perfect sense...

MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED

Q What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomachache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.

Q. Will health care be different in the next decade?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

Sea of Red

2007-09-13T09:58:00.001-06:00

AKA: my favorite place on earth...

Be Bold

2007-09-12T08:21:00.000-06:00

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

-Johann Wolfgang van Goethe

(1749-1832)

Damn the Man!!

2007-09-06T08:21:00.000-06:00

I got a nice letter last week from the Missouri Bureau of Taxation informing me that I had not filed a state tax return for 2003. And true enough, after going through my files, I discovered they were right. I am a tax evader and didn't even know it!!

The Man has given me until 11 September to correct this oversight, so I went to their website and filled in all the info from my 2003 W2 and discovered that I owe the state of Missouri $75. That's right, $75....which includes the penalty. Don't know how Missouri survived these past few years without my money. I feel so bad...all the problems at the KCMO school district: totally my fault. All the potholes: my fault. The delay in finishing the Light District: my fault. Not having as much money for stadium improvements: my fault. The Chiefs and the Royals threatening to leave because of the shortage: my fault.

I thought about including a note of apology for letting the city down, but instead I mailed my check yesterday with a nice post it on it that said 'Damn the Man!' Now I'll probably get audited.

Dangerously Close

2007-09-05T08:55:00.000-06:00

Ignoring the glances from the other women in the busy airport restroom she splashed water on her face to wash away the tears. She turned off the taps and closed her eyes. Flashes of the weekend came like a kalidescope. On a shaky breath, she opened her eyes and met her own gaze in the mirror.

"Just a few more minutes," she whispered to her reflection. "You'll be fine in a few more minutes."

Story of My Life...

2007-08-30T09:26:00.000-06:00

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

Tom Petty, "The Waiting"

Dr. Feelgood

2007-08-28T08:42:00.000-06:00

So yesterday afternoon while I was high as a kite in the dentist chair, I composed the greatest post ever in my head.

Unfortunately, after the nitrous wore off, can't remember a single word of it...but trust me, it was freakin' hilarious.

Or at least it was while I was trippin' balls on the happy gas.

20 Years Later

2007-08-21T14:28:00.001-06:00

Oh, the things I would tell this girl to do differently. Then again, would I really? I mean, I like who I am, where I am, and changing even one little thing would make me a different person.

Maybe all I would tell her is to 'hold on to (18) as long as you can, changes come around too soon and make us women and men...'

Wild World

2007-08-15T10:00:00.000-06:00

I've told my family goodbye a lot over the years...and usually through my own doing. In a few weeks, it will be a year since I left my mom at DIA and started my life here in Denver. On our way to the airport, neither one of us really said much. I can only say for myself that I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I would burst into tears. As we said our goodbyes, she hugged me tight and whispered "I hope you find what you're looking for."

Over the past few months, I've thought a lot about those words. I will admit that for a long time I felt guilty about leaving Kansas City...it's not that my family or friends ever made me feel that way, it's just something that would sneak up on me once in a while. Why wasn't I happy there? Why wasn't it enough for me? What am I looking for and why was I so sure that it wasn't in Kansas City? Am I slighting my family if I am happier living somewhere else? I still don't have many answers, but I can say this with certainty: I no longer feel guilty for forging a new path. For the first time in a long time I can say that I am happy...and I know that my family is behind me 100 percent.

And I may not have found exactly what I'm looking for, Mere, but dammit, I'm getting close.

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world

It's hard to get by just upon a smile

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world

and I'll always remember you like a child, girl

Cat Stevens, "Wild World"

Just like home

2007-08-10T10:37:00.000-06:00

My mom totally gets me and likes to play in my reindeer games...this is from our email conversation yesterday.

kctl: Okay, I booked my flight for October.
Arrive KC: October 12, 9:18am
Depart KC: October 15, 10:00am

Do I need to make travel arrangements for Mere's Taxi Service to and from the airport or is that included with the reservation at Mere's Bed & Breakfast? I have no special diet needs, but do request a loaf of Crown Room Oat Bread, if possible. I will pay extra for delivery if necessary. Also, I seem to recall from previous visits a delightful canine named Bo. I do hope he is available for a rousing game of 'fetch' sometime during my trip.

Mere: Yes, taxi service is part of your reservation, although you may have to share with another passenger who tends to shed, so wear white. The B&B is also available; I will have the maid do up the bed with clean sheets. Bo will be delighted to play as many games of 'fetch' as your arm can handle (we ask that you remember that Bo is on a doggie diet and please do not over feed him treats, as you have done in the past). The request for Oat Bread will be filled if at all possible. Are there any other culinary requests? We also have a full salon ready for any hair care needs you may have while visiting our fair city...shall I call Mindy to schedule an appointment?

kctl: Wear white, duly noted. Please don't have the maid go to any extra trouble, I'm sure the sheets are fine (as I think I was your last guest). Although, a chocolate mint on the pillow would be appreciated (just be sure the shedding mongrel that lives there doesn't get to it first). If the Oat Bread is not available, Sourdough would be an acceptable substitute. As for other culinary requests, will selections from the Winter menu be available? If so, I would like to place pre-orders for chili and your signature Italian Stew. And yes, it would be greatly appreciated if you could please schedule an appointment with Mindy; late Friday morning will fit best with my weekend activities.

As it gets closer to travel time, I'll have my people get with your people to go over the final details.

And as always, thank you for making me feel right at home.

Totally Random Randomness

2007-08-08T10:08:00.000-06:00

Tim of Geistweg has tagged every reader he has with the Random 8 Meme...so here are 8 random things you always wanted to know about kctl but were afraid to ask.

It is physically impossible for me to fall asleep on my back. I'm a tummy or side sleeper.
I am right handed and wear my watch on my right wrist. Don't know why, exactly, except that I started doing it in the 7th grade to be different and now I can't change it.
After grocery shopping,while putting things away, I must open and eat something I just bought: a bowl of cereal; a handful of grapes; a bite of ice cream...doesn't matter what it is, I simply cannot put everything away without sampling something.
I cannot pass by a Bassett Hound without going all gooey. I have been known to pull my car over, get out and coo at Bassetts. I blame my mother.
I put honey on my pizza. Not just the crust, but ON my pizza. Don't judge me. You know you're going to try it.
I read the first chapter of a book and then flip to the end to read the last paragraph.
I hide cash from myself all over my house. Usually I forget where, so it's always a surprise when a $20 bill shows up in the kitchen utensil drawer.
People who walk without moving their arms creep me out.

There you go, some totally random randomness on a Wednesday morning. Happy hump day, y'all.

The Un-lived Life

2007-08-07T08:11:00.000-06:00

This is a repost from 21 February 2006...sometimes I need to remind myself

What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness...

I can't stop thinking about these words. They fascinate and enthrall me. I feel like I'm on the edge of something really huge, really important...if only to me. I can't put my finger on it right now, but it's there...looming.

As I get older, I realize that I don't have answers for anyone but myself. I'm not going to look for other people's answers or other people's truths any more. Nor will I accept their answers or truths as my own. It's every one for themselves.

Lately, I find myself caring less and less about my own desires and more about my contribution to the world. What is my purpose? What is my role? The only answer I have found is this: my life is my message.

What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness...

Life is made up of grand, sweeping gestures. Huge, load carrying moments: births, deaths, loves, betrayals, victories, defeats...but it is also made up of small, even inconsequential actions. Quiet, anonymous moments. And lately, I've realized that neither is more important than the other. Looking at my life, I thought, "Is this it?" And had an epiphany. Yes, this is it. This is all there is, this one life, this one haphazard collection of moments - big and small. This predetermined time that can slip through our fingers un-lived if we aren't careful.

What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness...

More often than not, we are the instruments of our own destruction and I refuse to be that any more. Because, this is all there is. My past is filled with big moments that have changed me for better and for worse, forever. There are also small moments that had a huge impact. Lately, it's the small moments I've been focusing on. I don't have any illusions about what I can and cannot do, what I am willing and not willing to do. I think the big moments simply come to you, usually without warning, and you're measured by how you react to them. You get the small moments to prepare. They're practice.

Let go of the things you regret, the moments you feel you failed. Let go of the things you use to bully or shame yourself into being a better person. That's the great thing about life - there always seems to be another chance. There's always another person, another job, another love, another moment when you can choose who you want to be and declare it to the world. We are able to constantly re-invent ourselves. The mistakes you made once upon a time don't have to follow you around for the rest of your life unless you want them to. The past has done just that - it has passed.

What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness...

And from here on, refuse to dwell in the darkness.

I believe in love

2007-08-06T13:46:00.000-06:00

It's obvious from my previous post that I am sad...and heartbroken. I met someone and fell pretty hard and fast for him. I didn't expect to, especially given the circumstances, but I did.

We met in Vegas and from the beginning, it seemed all odds were against us ever getting together, the least of which being we live in different states. Things started innocently enough when we both got back to our real lives. An email here, a text there, just getting to know each other...next thing you know, he was in Denver for work and that's when everything changed. We spent two days together and when he left to go home, it felt as if someone had ripped my heart out. The past few months have been amazing, learning the little things...the things we have in common and the things we taught each other. Growing closer didn't change the fact that there are circumstances that cannot - or even possibly should not- be changed right now, so over the weekend, we decided to end things. It's been two days and I can't get my head around the fact that it's over.

I miss him.

Strong Enough

2007-08-04T18:54:00.000-06:00

Crossed the line
Felt too much
Pushed too hard
Risked it all
Broke my heart
Yet I discovered
I was strong enough after all
To tell you goodbye

Confidential to you: This doesn't mean I don't miss you. I do...more than I could ever express. You are more than you know, my dear friend. Do what needs to be done and I will be here wishing you the best. Always, T.

Reality Bites

2007-07-30T09:27:00.000-06:00

I'm back from the most amazing trip. Alaska is simply stunning...words are so inadequate to describe the unspoiled beauty.

Give me a day or two to get back into my day-to-day life and I'll post pictures.

So Close and Yet...

2007-07-20T08:01:00.000-06:00

It's just an inch from me to you
depending on which map you use

Northern Exposure

2007-07-19T09:22:00.001-06:00

Even though I'm leaving for Alaska this Saturday, I can't get the following song out of my head...

I have to go, I feel I'm sinkin'
I just don't know
But I can't stop thinkin'
Mexico

Somewhere that's close to the ocean
Somewhere that's warm and alive
Somewhere to sleep in the open
With the sun in my eyes

"Mexico" Firefall

Unwanted Life

2007-07-17T08:04:00.000-06:00

This is either the beginning or the ending of a story that's been in my head forever...

Twice I turned back towards home. And twice I merged back onto the highway in my original direction. Even though I had come almost a thousand miles, the last few yards were the hardest. I paused where the blacktop gave way to gravel and reluctantly followed the driveway with my eyes. The cool air coming from the car’s vents only added to the chill I felt as I looked at the small house. The yard was overgrown with weeds; the screen door swayed in the August breeze.

My hands were clammy on the steering wheel and I realized I’d been holding my breath. Letting it out slowly, I took my foot off the brake and continued up the drive. Flashes of a past life came in waves: second hand shoes; homemade dresses; the sickly sweet smell of bourbon; mother’s worn, red hands; raised voices; the sting from father’s belt; hiding in the storm cellar until their black moods passed; unwanted images of an unhappy life.

I stood on the sloping porch, my fingers paused above the doorknob and I wondered again why I had come. As a child I felt nothing but fear and dread in this house, as a teen-ager I escaped, as an adult I swore I’d never go back. They were both gone now, there was nothing here for me. Yet, here I was. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open and stepped into stale air and silence.

The Waiting Feel

2007-07-16T08:03:00.000-06:00

I read your words
written in impersonal font
and wish for nothing more
than for them to be turned into
beautiful sentiments
whispered in the night
while wrapped in your arms

A Friday the 13th Musing

2007-07-13T08:15:00.000-06:00

I've had this damn jingle in my head now for days:

My baloney has a first name,
it's O-S-C-A-R
My baloney has a second name,
it's M-A-Y-E-R
Oh, I love to eat it every day
And if you ask me why I'll say
'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A.

Which lead me to remember wondering as a kid how B-O-L-O-G-N-A spelled baloney. And also wondering if 'Mayer' was the last name or the middle name of the baloney (because it just says 'second name'...I require a bit more information.) If it is a middle name, what is the last name? Oscar Mayer Zembruski, maybe? Maybe that's why it's not part of the jingle. Too hard to rhyme with. But most importantly this lead me to this: what about the hotdogs? Did they feel left out by not having their own spelling jingle? With that in mind:

My frankfurter has a first name,
it's O-S-C-A-R
My frankfurter has a second name
it's M-A-Y-E-R
Oh, I'm scared to eat them anyway
Because I don' t know how they're made
'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with W-I-E-N-E-R-S.

Huh. Maybe the ad execs knew what they were doing. Doesn't really fit, does it?

Brightest at Night

2007-07-05T08:42:00.000-06:00

bittersweet: (bit-er-sweet)

adjective
1. tinged with sadness; both pleasant and painful...

Road Rules

2007-06-22T08:01:00.000-06:00

I think the Vatican left a few things off of their Driver Commandments list. Think the Pope will add my suggestions?

The merge lane is just that - a MERGE lane. Not a come-to-a-complete-fucking-stop-until-there-is-no-traffic-for-3-miles lane.
If the turn lane starts half a block ahead of your turn, it's okay to get in it that early. Don't slow your 1974 Buick to a freakin' crawl in my lane. Get the fuck over and out of my way!
I realize the speed limit is the max you can go on the road, and yes, it's probably a good idea to be aware of it, but for the love of God, is it too much to ask that you at least drive in the ballpark of the speed limit and not 10 miles below it?
While waiting to make a left turn please grow some balls and turn when a car is more than a block away. You'll make it, I promise. Trust me you'll feel better about yourself, women will dig you and you'll look taller.
If you're gonna ride my ass for several miles, the least you could do is buy me dinner first.
Christ on a cracker!! Why will no one pass a cop when he is driving below the speed limit? It's a cop car, not a pace car! Besides, he's just doing it to fuck with you.
You have the right of way at a blinking yellow light.
You can also turn right on red.
Don't pull out in front of me and then slow down, it really pisses me off. That really should be a capital offense, punishable by death.
I don't care how late you are to the office, lady, put your fucking make-up away!! It's chicks like you that give women drivers a bad name.
If you and I pull up at a 4-way stop at the same time, and I give you the universal signal for "you go ahead" don't just sit there looking at me...it's not a devious trick on my part. I really mean, GO AHEAD!
When I let you in a line of traffic ahead of me I expect a wave, motherfucker.
Also, to the women who drive freakin' mammoth SUV to take the little kiddies to soccer: learn how to drive the damn thing or take goddamn the bus.
If you cannot parallel park correctly, don't parallel park at all. That way, there will be no need to glare at me when you open your car door into traffic because you parked three feet away from the curb.
Don't ignore all the signs that say "left lane closed" and ride it to the very end and then give me dirty looks because I won't let you in, fucktard. I'll break a cardinal rule and ride the ass of the person in front of me just to be certain you can't squeeze in. And I'll wave at you as I pass by. I realize that makes me a bitch but I really don't care.
And really, dudes should never drive Mini Coopers, VW Bugs or Mazda Miatas. I don't care if you are the hetero-est hetero who ever heteroed a hetero, these are chick cars and driving one makes you look gay. Oh, and your friends are assholes because they know this and they let you buy one anyway.

Closer to You

2007-06-19T09:01:00.000-06:00

I take all I feel and let my words fly
To drift and be lost on the breeze
Never to know where they lie
They settle alone in some other place

My thoughts and my feelings and all that I am
Scattered to rest who knows where
I like to imagine that everywhere you go
A small piece of me will be there

So every time I open my hands
Letting my words float away
Perhaps I'll be closer to you with every flight
Nearer your heart every day

A Kiss That Stills

2007-06-13T08:10:00.000-06:00

This is the place I want to run to

When I feel there is no way out

This is the face I turn to

When I want another life to talk about

The time it took for a hidden look

To take it's hold

A kiss that stills, the air that fills

You taste like wine

Step in before the open door closes

I'm taking all of you

Giving the love I knew

The heart I couldn't show

Behind Blue Eyes

2007-06-08T09:06:00.001-06:00

Cleveland (aka Jim)

Guess who's coming to dinner?

2007-06-07T08:17:00.000-06:00

I'm finally meeting someone from the blog-o-sphere. I've been stalking Jim (in a friendly manner) for over two years now...can't wait to finally meet him.

I promise stories and pictures (he is a very talented photographer) detailing this historic event.

PS: Carl, you're next!

Nobody sleeps through 'I love you'

2007-06-01T08:02:00.000-06:00

June 1st makes me sad.

Loving my second dad was not hard at all. It was Teddy that taught me to drive, harassed the boys who dared date his little girl, gave me my rabid love of football, coached me on how to be grown up and loved me unconditionally through it all.

When we turned to hospice about two weeks before he died, they encouraged all of us to say what we wanted to say to him before it was too late. One afternoon, as he lay napping on the couch, I held his hand and poured out all of the things I was feeling; things I knew he already knew, but wanted to say anyway. He hadn't been totally lucid for several days, but I felt the need anyway. As I finished, I told him that I was thankful for having him in my life, and that I was going to miss the hell out of him because I loved him so much. As I kissed his forehead, he opened his eyes and said "I love you too." I was shocked, since as I said, he hadn't been lucid for days. I told him that I didn't mean to wake him, I thought he was sleeping. He replied, "Nobody sleeps through 'I love you.'" Those were the last words he spoke to me; he died the next day.

And now, six years later, June 1st still makes me sad.

Honey

2007-05-31T08:15:00.000-06:00

I did something this morning that from the outside seems like no big deal, but from the inside it hurt like hell.

Before I moved to Denver, I threw away or gave away all of my plants, except for a peace lily named Honey. Honey rode across the state of Kansas in the backseat of my car to take her place in my new living room. For several months, Honey thrived, but then one day, I noticed she had started to wilt a bit and some of her gorgeous green leaves were turning brown. I trimmed off the dead leaves and waited. She bloomed for about a month and then started to wilt again. I repotted her and put her on the balcony for some sun. Still no improvement, in fact, her condition got worse. I trimmed her back as much as I could and managed to save two new sprouts, but the new sprouts never took off. Yesterday I finally admitted that Honey wasn't coming back. And I cried.

Crying over a plant may seem extreme, and let's face it, it really is a bit wacko, but Honey was no regular plant. She was the last plant from Teddy's funeral six years ago this week. As I took her to the dumpster, I whispered a quiet good-bye and let her go.

Murmur of an echo

2007-05-30T08:21:00.000-06:00

pen·sive [pen-siv]
–adjective
1. dreamily or wistfully thoughtful
2. expressing or revealing thoughtfulness, usually marked by some sadness

A kctl update for Spackler

2007-05-29T11:15:00.000-06:00

Don't send out a search party quite yet, Spacks...I'm here, just very, very busy at work. The Year of the Terri is coming along swimmingly. I have managed to do one new thing each month so far:

January: pub crawl on Colfax
February: attended KU/CU basketball game
March: saw a frozen dead guy
April: found my way through the Wash Park area without getting lost
May: went to Vegas

Coming attractions:
June: first Red Rocks concert (John Butler Trio)
July: spending a week in Alaska
August: seeing John Hiatt and Shawn Colvin in Vail

Not all the events are earth shattering, but they were all new and that's what counts!

As for Memorial Day, two of my bestest girlfriends (and their boyfriends) came to visit...and I can honestly say we had a great time! We were a bit crowded, even splitting everyone up between Dawn's place and my place. Julie McCoy, Cruise Director (aka Dawn) went into overdrive planning the weekend. It rocked. Friday: Coors (short) Tour followed by a pub crawl through Golden and dinner at the best BBQ place west of Kansas City; Saturday: Boulder Creek Festival in Boulder and then The Rio for margaritas and lunch ending with dinner at Dawn & Mark's; Sunday: took it kind of easy with brunch and Bloody Mary's in the morning before heading downtown for the afternoon; Monday: BBQ at D&M's house before I took everyone to the airport. I miss these girls so much we could've just stayed inside for three days and I would have been thrilled.

I tried my best to be Julie McCoy, Jr., but it's harder than it looks!! I'll get a bit more practice when another friend comes to town in June.

And another man?! What are you talking about Carl? You know you're the only man for me!!

The World Awaits

2007-05-18T14:07:00.000-06:00

Anxious, excited, full of hope

You cross from child to adult

Courage, determination, full of pride

The world awaits

Happy Graduation, Sierra! You're going to do just fine at this grown-up thing...I promise (hell, if I can do it, anyone can!). I know you're both scared and excited about the changes that are coming and that's totally normal. Your life is wide open and there are great things in store for you. All you have to do is go get the life you want and refuse to settle for anything less. And since we've got the same stubborn blood in our veins, I know you'll do just that. Love you, Terri Lynn

...

2007-05-16T08:31:00.000-06:00

I feel I should say something about Jerry Falwell's passing, but I'm not sure what to say, nor how to say it. I can't say that I'm glad the man is dead, that would make me a horrible person, but I can say that I'm glad the world will no longer be subjected to his twisted, narrow, bigoted views.

So, I guess a simple 'Rest in Peace' will have suffice...and it is my sincerest wish that since he didn't learn it during his years on Earth, I hope his God is able teach him the meaning of the word 'tolerance.'

Vegas by the numbers

2007-05-09T08:44:00.000-06:00

Bloody Mary's drank: 2
Hours spent at the hotel happy hour (daily): 2.5
Free drinks at said happy hour (daily): 6-7
Omelets eaten: 2
Cameras forgotten at home: 2
Trips to sports books: 2
Money won on Kentucky Derby: $60 and $120 (unfortunately, not won by me)
Elvis impersonators: 4 (including Dirty Crotch Elvis and Orange Oompa Loompa Elvis)
Accidental Elvis impersonators: 2 (including a cabbie named Larry)
$5.99 steaks ordered: 3
$5.99 steaks eaten: less than half of each
Upset tummys after $5.99 steak consumption: 3
Trips to Freemont Street for shrimp cocktail: 1
T-shirts bought: 3
Times denied drinks at Margaritaville because it doesn't open until 11am: 1
Times telling the hostess "but like Jimmy Buffett says, it's 5 o'clock somewhere...": 1
Hours spent people watching from the rooftop deck of Margaritaville: 1.5
Cute Boys met: 4
Cute Boys serving as kctl's personal guide to Vegas: 1
Rides riden at the Stratosphere: 1
Times screaming like a little girl on ride at the Strat: 5
Pocket knives lost: 1
Hours spent at the rooftop bar at the Strat: 3
Cute Boys kissed while enjoying the view: 1
Times telling strangers that Cute Boy and I had just gotten married at The Little Chapel of Love: 3
Times strangers bought "the newlyweds" drinks: 8
Times "the newlyweds" felt guilty: 0
Pictures of "the newlyweds" on strangers cameras: 3
Bartenders who looked like Lurch: 1
Minutes searching for rental car in parking garage: 30
Bellagio fountain shows watched: 7
Miles walked up & down The Strip: 25
Blisters received: 1
Times porn was offered: too many to count
$8 beers bought at New York, New York: 3
$8 beers bought at The Bellagio: 2
$8 beers bought at Caesar's: 2
Drunk guys doing a back flip off of a mechanical bull: 1
Noses broken by drunk guy doing a back flip off a mechanical bull: 1
Cab rides taken: 4
Beer glasses stolen because it said 'Hefeweisen': 1
Snoop Dogg spotted: 2
Lion cubs seen: 2
Pool games played: 1
Pool games lost: 1
Bad 80's Hair Band listened to: 1
Trips to the ATM: 2
Fee for using the ATM: $4 each trip
Freaky homeless guy sightings: 5
Most money won at video poker: $25 (on a $2 bet)
Times "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" said: 6
Women walking barefoot on the strip: 2
Barefoot women washing their feet in the fountain at Caesar's Palace: 1
Beers drank: infinity plus one
Dips in the hottub: 1
Naps taken: 1 (Dawn called it a nap, but she just flat passed out...oh well, toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe)
Trips to the 'burbs: 1
Drives through the Red Rocks Nat'l Forest: 1
Wild asses spotted: 0
Times singing "Viva Las Vegas": 8
Shocks given by toy electric gun: 1
Hours laughed at the look on Mark's face after being shocked by toy gun: 4
Drunk dials: 4
Hours slept in 3 day period: 6
Trips through security at Vegas airport: 2
Phone calls from Cute Boy since landing at DIA: 2

And I can't wait to do it again!!!

Bright Light City, part duex

2007-05-08T08:11:00.000-06:00

Christ on a cracker am I tired!!!!!!!!!!

Vegas details to follow...(sorry, no pics of Brad or George) but damn, a great time was had by all.

Bright Light City

2007-05-01T09:09:00.000-06:00

Riddle me this: This weekend, what will George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and lil' ol' me have in common?

Answer: Vegas, baby!!

Yep, Dawn, Mark and I are headed to Vegas this weekend for a change of scenery...which just happens to be the same weekend they are premiering "Ocean's 13." I will come back with a picture of The Pretty if it kills me. I'm soooo going to jail for stalking. And it will be totally worth it.

I mean, look, they're already waiting at the airport for us...

"Bright light city gonna set my soul

Gonna set my soul on fire

Gotta whole lot of money that's ready to burn

so get those stakes up higher..."

For Mere

2007-04-27T07:49:00.000-06:00

i used to stand in your shoes
wishing i could be you
all i needed was your arms around me
and i was happy
you were the sun and the moon
i thought you were so beautiful

and now some of your hair has turned gray
never thought you'd look this way
so much has changed
except your arms around me
still makes me happy
and i still think you're beautiful

this is just my way to let you know
what i so often fail to show
just how much i feel
you are still the sun and the moon
and you will always be beautiful

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.

New World Order

2007-04-23T08:15:00.000-06:00

Dodie: I've got it all figured out.

kctl: Got what all figured out?

Dodie: What I'm going to be when I grow up. I've got a plan.

kctl: Plans are good. Let's hear it...

Dodie: I'm going to go to the University of Colorado and get my degree in Political Science.

kctl: That's a good start...CU is a good school. Then what?

Dodie: Then I'll be the govenor of Colorado.

kctl: Uh-huh.

Dodie: That's only for a few years, because in 2027, I'm going to be President. I'll be the youngest President ever!

kctl: Honey, that's great, but you can't be President at 30. You have to be at least 35 to run for President. Why don't you go into the Senate for a few years first?

Dodie: Because I want to be the youngest President. Why can't I be President at 30?

kctl: Because that's the rule. It's in the Constitution.

Dodie: Fine. Guess I'll be a Senator first.

kctl: Okay, so when you run for President, what's your platform going to be? What are your issues? Are you a Democrat or a Republican?

Dodie: Well, the first thing I'm going to do is create "Skittles World." It'll have roller coasters and water rides and bags of Skittles everywhere. Oh, and it'll all be free!!

kctl: Free? How are you going to pay for it? That would cost millions and millions to build and operate.

Dodie: I'll just tax everybody.

kctl (laughing): That would make you a Democrat.

Dodie: Whatever. Fine. I'll charge everybody $10 to get in.

kctl: So, then, what about poor people? How will you help them?

Dodie: I'll make them get jobs.

kctl (laughing): Now that'd make you a Republican. Okay. So, what about your foreign policy?

Dodie: What's that?

kctl: Well, that's how you handle America's relationships with other countries.

Dodie: Oh, that's easy. I'll just turn all the other countries in the world into Americas.

kctl: Now I get it, you just want to rule the world!! You don't want to be President, you want to be a dictator.

Dodie: Does that mean everybody would have to do what I say?

kctl: Yep.

Dodie: Awesome! I want to be a dictator then.

kctl: My niece the dictator...sounds good. It'll be a new world order!!

Family ties

2007-04-20T08:15:00.000-06:00

I woke up in a great mood this morning: I'm leaving today and heading east to visit my family for the weekend. I'm so excited to see everyone. I cannot believe how much I've missed them! By early evening I'll be catching with Mere and Kel; more than likely getting teased by my bro-in-law...and best of all, I'll be knee deep in hugs and kisses from Booger Butt and Dodie.

I just know I'm going to cry. I'm such a sap.

Forget Me Never

2007-04-17T08:22:00.001-06:00

I am haunted by the events in Virginia. A moment of silence for those who were lost...

...

May those who are grieving find comfort and solace in the memories of their loved ones.

If I should go, forget me never

Please say that you'll remember me

I pray the dreams we share together

Will shine on in your memory

Each time a star falls out of heaven

It leaves the sky a deeper blue

So if we part, forget me never

And don't forget my love for you

Elvis Presley, "Forget Me Never"

An age old question

2007-04-13T10:12:00.000-06:00

Talking about the snow storm that missed Denver metro by a smidge yesterday...

kctl co-worker: What happened to the 8-12 inches we were supposed to get last night?

kctl: You know, women have been asking that same question for ages.

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Tip your bartender...

Impromptu

2007-04-10T08:06:00.000-06:00

The evening was over and they walked outside together. Their hands brushed once, twice, before their fingers caught.

Smiling at him, she noticed how warm his hand felt in contrast to the chilly night air.

As they stood by her car, the wind picked up and made her shiver. He tucked her hands into the pockets of his jacket as he leaned in to kiss her.

Quietly he said, "I've been wanting to do that for hours."

"Me too," she sighed.

Trip On

2007-04-09T09:08:00.000-06:00

Mile high in the sunlight

Hung bright in the desert sky

I've been through the dance

Some say there's a better way

But I'll take my own road

Almost Home

2007-04-06T11:27:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been obsessed with the concept of home. What makes a place a home? Does it have to be a place? Could it be a feeling? A person?

Since I moved to Denver, I've been wondering, where is my home? Is it in Kansas City with the people and places I grew up with? Is it in Small Town, USA where my grandparents live, even though I've never lived there? Is it in the love I have for my family? Is it in the love they have for me? Is it in the growing pains I'm having in my new city? I think home, for me anyway, is in all of these things. Home can be many things at once, can't it?

There's no such thing as no regrets

But baby it's alright

I'm not running

I'm not hiding

I'm not reaching

I'm just resting in the arms of the great wide open

Gonna pull my soul in

And I'm almost home

Mary Chapin Carpenter, "Almost Home"

Happy Easter

2007-04-06T08:59:00.000-06:00

This always makes me laugh...

Opposites attract

2007-04-05T11:13:00.000-06:00

I confess: I'm bad with money. I mean, really bad with money. I pay my bills on time (for the most part) and try very hard to put something in my savings account each payday, but I am (thus far) unable to create a budget and stick to it. I have gone to a cash only existence by cutting up my credit cards and not using my debit card. 'Cash or nothing' is my new motto. I need someone to give me an allowance.

Dawn (who is very good with money, by the way) has graciously offered to help me by creating a budget that she swears I can live with. We'll see. Anyway, Sunday is D-Day. Here's a bit of an email exhange we had today:

kctl:Linda's obsession with Excel spreadsheets is rubbing off on me, so I'll have everything on a spreadsheet for Sunday.

After you get my finances organized, wanna tackle my closets? Hee! Only kidding, I love you too much to torture you like that.

Dawn: You know I would love to do that. We can do both on Sunday, but you are going to have to be brutal. My rule is if it doesn't fit, you don't like it or you haven't worn it in a year (except for dressy stuff) it goes. Oh... I'm so excited!!! Do I need to bring hangers? "WE" only use plastic.

kctl: You're weird. Very, very weird. Let's save the closets for next weekend. We wanna pace ourselves.

Dawn: Okay. :(

kctl: Don't be so glum, the closet mess isn't going anywhere. I promise. Heck, we might even look under the bed. And dresser drawers. There's plenty of organization to be done! My bedroom alone could keep us busy for a month.

Dawn: Ahhhh! Thanks for making me feel better!!

I mean, really, who gets excited about cleaning/organizing closets? Weirdos, that's who!! I'm going to have to clean my closets before I can let her help me clean my closets! It's a wonder that this self-confessed slob and a neat-nik like her have been friends for so long, but as they say, opposites attract.

Sorry, Charlie

2007-04-04T11:29:00.000-06:00

Solitary

2007-04-03T08:13:00.000-06:00

I drive alone with my mind

fighting thoughts of this kind

In the darkness of these naked, empty streets

I'm free to just breathe

He said I'm the queen of random phone calls

I explained it's just this time of year

These awkward conversations, these constant isolations

And this town is bringing me down

So bogged down with this, this flesh and bone

I'm not supposed to feel quite this alone

Amidst this clutter, watch me stumble, step and fall

I haven't the strength to get back up

'Cause I am empty, floating loveless

Cut me and I bleed only dust

Reposted from March 2006

All Along

2007-03-30T08:13:00.000-06:00

Staring at the stars
Craving something I couldn't see
Wanting to be anywhere but here
Feeling incomplete
Yet being loved all along

Thinking happiness was around the corner
Wishing for things that would never come
Seeking a truth right in front of me
Feeling discontent
Yet being loved all along

Patience

2007-03-29T08:45:00.000-06:00

"Give it time."

"Yeah, but how much time?"

"I don't know, just time. Have some patience."

"I've never been good at patience."

"I know, but everything happens eventually."

"Everything?"

"Yeah, everything. Especially the good stuff. And just when you think it never happens, it happens. You've just got to be ready for it."

"And be patient?"

"And be patient."

Softer than a lullaby

2007-03-27T08:41:00.000-06:00

The other night I couldn't sleep very well. I'm not sure why, but after laying in bed for about an hour, I decided to get up. It was 4am. There was a full moon lighting up the early sky and it was so peaceful and quiet. I stepped out on my balcony to gaze at the stars above and the mountains ahead. And I couldn't stop thinking of this song.

He was born in the summer of his 27th year
Comin’ home to a place he’d never been before
He left yesterday behind him, you might say he was born again
You might say he found a key for every door

When he first came to the mountains his life was far away
On the road and hangin’ by a song
But the string’s already broken and he doesn’t really care
It keeps changin’ fast and it don’t last for long

But the Colorado Rocky Mountain high
I’ve seen it rainin’ fire in the sky
The shadow from the starlight is softer than a lullaby
Rocky Mountain high (high Colorado) Rocky Mountain high (high Colorado)...

He climbed cathedral mountains, he saw silver clouds below
He saw everything as far as you can see
And they say he got crazy once, and he tried to touch the sun
And he lost a friend but kept his memory

Now he walks in quiet solitude the forests and the streams
Seeking grace in every step he takes
His sight has turned inside himself to try and understand
The serenity of a clear blue mountain lake

And the Colorado Rocky Mountain high
I’ve seen it rainin’ fire in the sky
You can talk to God and listen to the casual reply
Rocky Mountain high (high Colorado) Rocky Mountain high (high Colorado)

Now his life is full of wonder but his heart still knows some fear
Of a simple thing he cannot comprehend
Why they try to tear the mountains down to bring in a couple more
More people, more scars upon the land

And the Colorado Rocky Mountain high
I’ve seen it rainin’ fire in the sky
I know he’d be a poorer man if he never saw an eagle fly
Rocky Mountain high...

Rocky Mountain high (high Colorado) Rocky Mountain high (high Colorado)

"Rocky Mountain High," John Denver

The song is autobiographical for John Denver and his experience of finally finding a place he belonged...and I realized I felt the same, "comin' home to a place he'd never been..." I couldn't have said it better.